2008

2008 is already shaping up to be a year of exciting change and new possibilities for Heidi and me:

Change #1: At the beginning of January, I will begin working as the Communications Coordinator for Christ's Church of the Valley (CCV) in Peoria, AZ.

The choice to leave my current job at Palm Valley was one that I struggled with for a long time. I love working for PVC, I love the staff, I love the people, and I love the impact that this church has had on me and thousands of others in the west valley. Leaving such a great group of people will not be an easy transition for me or for Heidi.

Life never seems to turn out the way we plan; God brings opportunities in life that we never see coming. God has given me the great gift of allowing me to serve Palm Valley for a year and a half, but He is calling me now down another path. I'm nervous and excited at the same time, but I have learned that God is always faithful when we follow His leading.

Change #2: I blogged previously about the new fertility treatment option that Heidi and I are considering. We met with the doctor this week to get a bit more information, and it looks like it is a good option for us. The doctor told us that if this new treatment doesn't work. that we are essentially out of medical options.

We are definitely going to pray about this decision a bit longer. If we choose to forego this new treatment, then we will most likely be looking in to adoption. While Heidi has already begun to research adoption agencies, we do not plan on starting the process for a while yet. We definitely want to talk to couples who have adopted and pick their brains about what they learned through their experience.

Please keep that situation in your prayers.

Change #3: My last post was about my brother and sister-in-law who recently announced their pregnancy with a due date of July 10. This will be the first Gray family grand baby and I'm sure that will mean a mid-summer trip to Houston followed by another family gathering next holiday season.

I have been an uncle for about 7 years now, but I'm interested to see if it feels any different to be the uncle of a sibling's kid as opposed to the uncle of an in-law's kid. Either way, I am so excited to be an uncle again.

======================

I'm definitely looking forward to these new changes with excited expectancy that God is going to grow Heidi and me, and that He is going to make '08 the most exciting and memorable year of our lives.

God, thank you for your never-ending faithfulness. No matter what comes, we give all the glory and honor to you.

A Big Christmas Gift

My brother Jonathan and his beautiful wife Michelle called us on Christmas Day to give us the news that they are 12 weeks pregnant with their first child! "Baby Gray" as he/she is currently named, is due on July 10, 2008.


Congratulations guys!

(((XM))) Radio

I'm giving very serious thought to canceling my XM Radio subscription.

Last Christmas, Heidi got me this really cool wireless XM Radio -- its like an iPod, but receives satellite radio signals. We also got one for her car because traveling through the deserts of Southern Utah and still having over 100 crystal clear, commercial free radio stations pretty much rocks.

I love that XM has stations that you can't really get with regular radio. My favorite by far has to be Cinemagic - Escape Into the Movies (channel 27). This channel plays scores from movies. All day long. From Lord of the Rings to Pride & Prejudice, from Gladiator to Karate Kid, this channel plays just about everything. I love it.

We also listen to comedy stations, Christian music stations, talk radio, top 40 tunes, music from the 50s, the 90s, and everything in between. Christmastime is especially fun because they offer 5 different stations dedicated to playing uninterrupted Christmas music.

Why then, you may ask, would I want to cancel my subscription? Well, I'm thinking of using the money I would spend on two more one-year subscriptions and using it to pay for a new infertility treatment regimen. I haven't written in a while about the infertility circus that is my life, but the short story is that all the money we poured into the last treatment ended being a complete waste because all it did was make things worse. This new course of therapy is supposed to fix all that. In all honesty, my faith in modern medicine has taken a big hit, so I'm a bit leery of this new treatment.

I'll tell you this -- I would gladly trade my 100+ commercial free radio stations in for just 100 sperm that actually swim in a straight line. That's a selling point I could get on board with.

Contentment

Sometimes it can be hard to be content with the things that life throws your way.

Heidi and I have been struggling with getting pregnant for some time now, and it seems like each time we take a step forward in our attempt to start a family, we get knocked back two steps. Oftentimes, we wonder why God is allowing us to go through this trial. It can become easy for us to look at others who are successfully getting pregnant, and then begin to feel the discontentment with our situation rise up inside and begin to consume us. Feeling contentment in the dark shadow of unrealized expectations can be difficult.

Today God allowed me a six-minute reality check, and suddenly, this burden seems so light.

Graciasgiving

This Thanksgiving, Heidi and I get to visit my mom's side of the family in Farmington, New Mexico (a 7+ hour drive from Phoenix). My grandma and granddad and my aunt and uncle live up here, and this is a good in-the-middle-of-all-the-families meeting spot.

As a kid, my family used to drive here and visit at least twice per year. I haven't been back to Farmington for more than 8 years, and I am really enjoying the nostalgia of this place and of hanging out with family again.

One of the highlights so far is getting to listen to my granddad talk about WWII. He was a B 24 bomber pilot in the South Pacific, and he has some great stories. I'll probably dedicate an entire post to this in the future -- his story makes me swell with patriotic pride.

Whether you are away with extended family, or at home with your loved ones, I would like to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!

What a Faker!

Sometimes the hardest thing about interacting with people is not knowing what is actually going on in the other person's head. People in today's society have made an art form out of putting on a good face and trying to keep up pretenses. Someone can have it all together on the outside and be a complete disaster on the inside. The key is to develop your ability to see through the superficial, and recognize the significant. This requires practice.

I offer you the opportunity to practice today:

I recently came across this test that measures one's ability to read faces. This requires that you focus intently on looking past the skin and staring into the soul. Can you spot the fake smiles? I was able to get 17 out of 20. That means that if you try to fake smile at me, I'll know it 85% of the time.

So don't even try it.

New Venture

Some of you may know this, to others it may come as a surprise: I am currently working on writing my very first book.

Earlier today, I sent one chapter of my book to a literary critiquing company who has promised to give me very detailed feedback on my work. Their website promises their critique will give me more information than I could have ever hoped for or wanted. Yikes.

I'm really hoping that they see some good potential and that they can offer suggestions that would really take my writing to the next level. I would love to keep writing and eventually see something of mine published. Either way, I have committed to Heidi that I will finish it. More on this to come.

Lateral Fest 2007

I do not post about sports often, but this play by the Trinity Tigers is absolutely amazing:

Shameless Plug:

GreatLeaps Preschool is quite possibly the best kept secret in the West Valley.

This past August, my wife and her friend Nicole started a home-based preschool in Goodyear, Arizona. Both Heidi and Nicole left their jobs as public school teachers so that they could turn their attention to educating 3 to 5 year old children, and prepare them to experience future success in school.

If you know someone who has been looking for a safe, loving, and academically excellent learning environment for their preschool-aged child, would you mind spreading the word about GreatLeaps? Starting a preschool is definitely a word-of-mouth business, and any and all exposure is much appreciated.

If you would like to know more about GreatLeaps before telling your friends, please take a few minutes to browse the website, or contact Heidi and Nicole -- they would love to answer any questions you may have.

Thanks!

One Foot in the Grave

I turned 30 today.

Time to begin finalizing my memoirs, make sure my will is up-to-date, and buy some stock in whatever companies manufacture Depends, Polident, Centrum Silver, Preparation H, and Gold Bond Medicated Powder.

Just kidding. In reality, I love each year of my life more than the last. God has blessed me far more than I could ever deserve. My beautiful wife, Heidi, is such an amazing companion -- she makes me laugh, is forever patient with me, and has such a kind heart toward others. I also love being close with my family, my friends and co-workers make my life "interesting", and my job gives me the opportunity to be creative and serve God with my talents.

To all of you who I call friend (and to you too Brent), thank you for being a part of my life. I am honored to know each and every one of you.

Michael

Alternative Medicine

I love how so many of our friends have come alongside Heidi and me as we fight the war against infertility. All your prayers (mixed with 25 horse pills a day, special estrogen-suppression spray twice a day, and extra-potent testosterone cream each morning) have definitely been helpful.

Well, today we had a new weapon added to our arsenal. Pete Espinosa, one of the rockin' electric guitarists at Palm Valley Church, has personally loaned me what he considers a sure-fire cure: his old workout socks.


For those of you who may not have noticed, the writing on the bottom reads "survival of the fittest", and that is indeed a sperm on my ankle. I may be pressing my luck with 2 of my last 3 posts containing pictures of sperm. Sorry Jeanette :)

According to Pete, these beauties are not merely fashionable fitness footwear, but also lucky baby-making socks. These breathable cotton/poly blends are what Pete wore while training for a marathon during the same time of year that he and his wife were trying for kids (please take special note of the italics).

Since they have worked like a charm for him twice already, he generously decided to share the wealth with me. I'm hoping that the magic is simply in the socks and not in the marathon training -- if that be the case, I'm only going to be known to children as "Uncle Michael" for the rest of my life.

For you skeptics out there, you must know this: I put these socks on as soon as I got home from church, and then watched the Arizona Cardinals turn a 7 to nothing 1st quarter defeat into an incredible 21 to 14 win against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Coincidence you say?

I think not.

This is Messed Up

I just read an article about the guy who has prepared our taxes for the last four years. He is being indicted on 136 counts of tax fraud and forgery. Heidi and I knew something was up when our usual $2,000 tax return took a huge swing to become a $5,000 tax liability this past year.

Now it looks like the government might be auditing our tax returns for at least three years back (I think that is the statute of limitations on taxes). Just what we need.

What bothers me the most is that Heidi and I don't know a great deal about the insanely complex tax system, and we trusted this guy to prepare them for us. We never wanted to short-change the government, we just wanted to pay our taxes like other honest, hard-working Americans. Now we are going to have to take the hit to fix a situation that we didn't cause.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate dealing with taxes!

Becoming A Man...Finally

I am less than a month away from my 30th birthday, and manhood is knocking on my door.

Most of you that know me well, know that Heidi and I have been unable to conceive a child due to major problems with my sperm. We have been undergoing fertility treatment for almost a year now. During a doctor's visit in early July, I learned that the problems with my sperm were rooted in the fact that my testosterone level was at a dismal 118 (normal levels are between 800 and 1,200).

Since then, I have rubbed testosterone cream on my leg each morning in hopes that I could induce a reversal in my levels. The minor side effects of this treatment make for some funny stories, most of which I will save for another time. One side effect is increased irritability -- which I generally don't recognize on my own. My wife, in her ever-so-tender and loving way, gently informs me about my aggression by saying something like, "Hey, take it easy now Testy Testosterone!" That's what she calls me. Testy Testosterone.

Well, I got the results of my latest blood work today and it looks like Testy Testosterone may be a name that sticks. My testosterone level is now at 785. I'm knocking on the door baby! I am excited that this treatment is helping and that God seems to be answering our many prayers. For those of you who already do, please keep praying that this trend continues.

Unmitigated Agony

I just encountered one of my biggest pet peeves in life -- I got a bowl and a spoon out of the cabinet, poured a nice bowl of Golden Grahams, and opened up the refrigerator to find that we were OUT OF MILK!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....

What is one of your biggest pet peeves?

Its Traintastic!

Photography is something I have loved for a long time, but I don't spend a lot of time doing it. During a recent church video shoot in Riverside, Arizona, I snapped some photos for Ryan Nunez's son Eric. He is totally into everything involving trains (and even coins words like "traintastic" to express his train affection).

I was using the church's Cannon EOS Rebel XT camera (which I love as much as Eric likes trains). These photos are not likely to win any awards, but I thought they were cool. We'll know for sure if photographer extraordinaire Kim Logan leaves positive feedback. She rocks at photography.

Here are my photos:

"132 & Bush, I've Got Him at Gunpoint"

Just returned home tonight to seven squad cars and nine of Avondale's finest breaking up a big disturbance next door (involving at least ten people).

I have heard that the house next to us was turned into Section-8 housing last year. If that is true, I'd like to give a great big sarcastic thanks-a-lot to our state government for helping to turn a perfectly peaceful neighborhood into an episode of COPS.

The Mormons

Heidi and I just finished watching a fascinating four-hour documentary on PBS called The Mormons.

Growing up in Salt Lake City, Utah, I have had a great deal of contact with Mormons, and Mormonism is a religion that I know well. Just about every kid in the neighborhood or at school was Mormon. In fifth grade, social studies is dedicated to teaching about Utah's history -- which is essentially the story of the Mormon exodus from Illinois. My family has visited Temple Square many times, and we have taken the visitor tours which tell all about Joseph Smith and the revelation that gave birth to Mormonism.

Writing on the topic of Mormonism could take me in about 100 different directions. The Mormon story is definitely intriguing. It includes acts of terrorism, God-ordained adultery, separatist anti-Americanism, mass murder, death oaths, and black magic. On the other hand, the Mormon story also includes elements of strong family values, close-knit communities, worldwide evangelism, and fervent pro-Americanism. Its an interesting dichotomy.

One quote from the documentary sums up this fascinating religion's history by asking, "How do you go from being the ultimate outcast, to the embodiment of the mainstream in two generations? Its a breath-taking transformation."

It is indeed an amazing story.

Advantage: Gray

I love playing tennis. Earlier this evening, Heidi and I played a few sets at Avondale Friendship Park. We haven't played tennis together in years, and it was great spending the day with her and doing something different.

I have to tell you, Heidi did a great job and kept me running the court all night. She has this strange ability to hit the back line, then return my volley by barely clearing the net on a short lob. I know I'm not in the best shape of my life, but I'm not even sure that Agassi could have run baseline-to-net as often as I did tonight.

Here is a live-action shot of one of her signature returns:



Perhaps I should have focused more on returning the ball than on getting pictures.

Breakfast Rocks!

In an effort to lighten the mood left over from my last blog and the crummy things going on in my life, I'd like to offer up this Zigvid in honor of something in life that still makes me happy: pancakes.

I must warn you, if you choose to view this video, I cannot be held responsible for the pancake theme song getting stuck irrevocably in your head. If you love pancakes as much as I do, there is an even higher chance of song stickage.

You have been warned.

Personal Barometer

I cannot begin to express how disappointing it is for me that I have not blogged in a long time. This site is a source of a great deal of joy and relaxation for me, and I have missed it greatly. I would go as far as to say that my frequency of blogging and blog reading is in direct correlation to my energy level and/or my attitude toward life. It's like a personal barometer for me.

Over the past few months, I have been struggling with a number of health-related, personal, and professional issues in my life. None of my issues are particularly serious or life-threatening, they are just pestering. I am not deeply depressed or anything, but I am definitely going through a dark time. I wish that I could pinpoint what it is that has me down, but I can't -- and that frustrates me more. I guess that there are just times of random discontent in each person's life, and this is one of mine.

I have never been the sort of person to hide what is happening in my life; I am truly an open book. Please know that I don't write these things to somehow gain sympathy or to cause anyone to go out of their way to make me feel better. Honestly, I'm not even sure kind words will help. I only write these things because writing them down is a way for me to get rid of the baggage that is keeping me down -- and I think its good to share things publicly rather than keeping them to myself.

If you have a minute, I would appreciate a quick prayer on my behalf. I'm generally not selfish about asking for things, but I believe that prayers will help.

Thanks.

Wholesome Fun for the Entire Family

Please refrain from excessive talking, turn all cell phones to silent, and promptly remove crying babies or irratable children so that others are free to enjoy this blog in peace. Thank you for your cooperation.

~The Management

Misundercommunicationism

Communicating clear messages in creative ways can be frustrating. Sometimes, no matter how good the delivery of your message is, the meaning gets lost in the artistry.

Open-Source Leadership

Like many others, I struggle on a daily basis with trying to develop my skills as a strong leader.

I know in my heart that I have the potential to be a leader, but proving that to myself and others oftentimes becomes difficult. I tend to get bogged-down in the everyday routines and focus more on the short-term than the long-term. Instead of being a visionary leader, I focus on what I need to do to get through the day. Call it my survival instinct.

One thing that I find helpful is learning from other leaders. I am fine with reading books on leadership, but I am a very hands-on learner -- for me to learn and grow most effectively, I need to interact with leaders, not just read about them.

Last Thursday, I had the privilege of having lunch with Jon Edmiston, the Director of Information Technology & Communications for Christ's Church of the Valley in Peoria, AZ. CCV is an awesome church; they are reaching thousands of people all over Phoenix for Christ. When it comes to leadership, this church has a great deal to offer.

The most important lesson I learned from our meeting was that I appreciated Jon's willingness to spend part of his day pouring into an aspiring leader from another local church. I'm sure Jon had 100 different reasons why having lunch with me would be too much of an interference in his week, but he still chose to take the time to share his knowledge -- that is true leadership, and I appreciate it. A lot of other leaders might not have given me the time of day.

As I continue to develop into a strong leader, I hope to always remember that I did not get there on my own. I know that I will tap into hundreds of different leaders in my journey to becoming an effective leader. As I grow, I want pour my knowledge into others with the same willingness that Jon had in pouring into me last week.

Speaking of Guitar Hero...

Just came across this photo of me and Palm Valley's own worship leader Derrick Logan at a recent praise team rehearsal:

Hangin' with Brent & Jess

I am writing my first-ever blog from the computer at Brent and Jessica Hodges' house. We just got through with hometeam and Heidi and I decided to stay around for a while.

Brent and I just finished melting some faces on Guitar Hero II and now the girls are downstairs rockin' out to "Sweet Cherry Pie." I think it is hilarious to watch the girls play because they are both REALLY good. Nothing makes me more in love with Heidi than when I see her playing lead on "Symphony of Destruction".

Rock on Bay, rock on.

Sworn Enemy of the Galactic Alliance

My mission was to find and eliminate all minions of the evil Emperor Zurg.

It wasn't until the end of the mission that I realized my wingman, Nathaniel, was a covert agent -- actively working to destroy the Alliance. This photo shows the exact moment of my realization:



Unfortunately, before I could fire a shot, the undercover alien/robot/mouse/pirate cracked me over the head with a concealed churro that he acquired before the mission. The head wound was minor, but cinnamon and sugar in the eyes hurts something fierce.

I gave chase, but the churro dust severely impaired my vision. I lost the enemy as he boarded a Star Tours spacecraft bound for the moon of Endor.

You have won this battle, Nathaniel, but I have direct orders from Buzz Lightyear himself to find you and force you into a lifetime of imprisonment in "its a small world".

You better hope I never catch you.

Lifetime Warranty?

My good friends Tommie and Kyle Dyer recently returned from their wedding on May 5, 2007. As the above picture illustrates, Kyle clearly married for looks and Tommie married for ... um ... personality. :)

Actually, this marriage is uniquely special for me because these two were the first couple for whom I did premarital counselling. I had an awesome time walking with Tommie and Kyle as they dreamed of and prepared for their lives together. I especially enjoyed watching their excitement because it reminded me of when Heidi and I got married. That is a day I could live over and over again.

With this being my first premarital counseling, I am tempted to put a limited warranty on my work. I only say that jokingly, though, because I know that this marriage is not founded on anything that I ever said or did, but on Christ and His grace and love -- and with Christ at the center, you can be sure that this marriage comes with a lifetime warranty.

Tommie & Kyle, it was truly an honor for me to be a part of your wedding. Thank you for that gift.

Congratulations and best wishes!

Short Blogs Rule!

Sometimes I set out to write thoughts that are simple and to-the-point, but tend to end up with a long post because I continually think of more to say.

That's all I wanted to tell you.

The Week in Review

This past week has certainly been eventful. While the week itself has not been particularly busy or stressful for me, I have had the chance to experience some incredible things:

Thing 1:
Yesterday morning, our great friends Brent & Jessica Hodges had their first child. Mason Hodges came into the world at 8 pounds, 6 ounces and 21 3/4 inches long. Heidi and I went to visit them in the hospital to hold the little guy and congratulate Brent and Jess. We could not be happier for the two (three) of them; I know that they are going to make great parents. We love you guys!

Thing 2:
This past Sunday marked the pinnacle of the Seize the Moment capital campaign at our church. What I found amazing through this campaign is seeing the faithfulness of both God and the members of Palm Valley. Our Leadership Commitment Event a few weeks ago was a testament to the faithfulness of the church leaders, and Sunday was a testament to God's faithfulness.

As most of you probably know, Pastor Greg, was in bad shape on Sunday. You can read about the details on his blog, but I was encouraged to see so many people pray for him and then to see God to give Greg the perfect amount of grace/energy/ability to communicate what he needed to communicate. Obviously, God wasn't going to let anything hinder the message that Palm Valley needed to hear. Sometimes, having Satan attack is a cool thing because it gives God the chance to show up big. I think He did just that.

Thing 3:
Last Friday night and most of the day Saturday, Heidi and I got to watch Noah Rudd, the son of our other great friends Justin & Bethany. Most of you know that we have wanted kids for some time now and this past weekend was a great, albeit short, test-run for us. In an effort to clearly show us just what we are asking God for, Noah started his day at 5:30 a.m. Other than the fact that he is a morning person, he is a great kid.

We loved having the chance to see a glimpse of what life will be like with a child. I got to get him out of his crib in the morning, we both got to play with him, we got to take him to Lowe's to shop for gardening equipment, I even changed my first poopy diaper (definitely one of the less appealing events in child-rearing). Still, it makes me look forward to the day when Heidi and I are finally blessed with a child of our own. I hope that our kid can be as fun, cooperative, and cute as Noah.

Thing 4:
On Sunday, we also met and held Connor Bewley, the newly adopted son of Troy & Alison. It was fun for us to see a great couple so proud of the child they have prayed so long and hard for, but it was also good for our hearts to see that God is faithful even if it is not on our timeline.

We waited a long time to meet you Connor, and we're glad you're here.

One Week Down, Thousands to Go

The first few weeks are the hardest -- that I know from experience.

I have started countless New Years resolutions and/or personal betterment plans in my life, and I have learned that determination tends to have a shelf-life. Mine is usually between two and three weeks. I'm on week two now.

Week one of the MG2 Project went pretty well. Since I have so many goals in this project, I planned on implementing them progressively over time so as not to bury myself early. Week one was primarily devoted to focusing on bettering my spiritual life through regular devotional times and prayer. I am happy to report that I accomplished my goal of setting aside the time I need each day before work to begin my mornings with God. It is definitely a refreshing change of pace to begin each day praying to and praising Him.

To help get me jump-started, I bought two devotional books -- one for home and one for work -- that I plan to read through every day. Eventually, I hope to dive deeper in my study of the Bible, but these two books are great starting points for me:



If you remember, please say a prayer for me to stay consistent with my devotional times. If I accomplish nothing else with this project, I want to deepen my faith in Christ and communicate with Him more regularly so that I can become the husband, friend, and (one day) father that God would have me to be.

Coming up in the next update:
P90X - Show me your "bring it" face...

Who is This Guy?

Check it out! I got Greg R to participate in my blog!

Woo-hoo!

The Appointed Time Has Come

I am not what I should be.

On Sunday, October 11, 2007 I will turn 30 years old. The thought of leaving my 20s behind and still having so many shortcomings in my life makes me a bit depressed. I would have thought that, by this time in my life, I would have been more -- more organized, more physically fit, more spiritually strong, a better communicator, more confident, more of a leader -- more of about a hundred different things that I am not, but should be.

This MG2 Project is intended to be a catalyst in improving myself -- sort of like a New Year's resolution that begins in May. I have five months until I turn 30, and I want who I am now and who I will be on that day to be different. I want to see an improved version of me in these three areas:

SOUL ~ Spiritual Discipline I have never been consistent at doing devotions or praying. I believe in them wholeheartedly, but haven't done a good job at developing spiritual discipline in my own daily life. On some level, being around church all my life has made me somewhat immune to the excitement that others get when they read the Bible, or pray to a loving God. These things have been my life from infancy -- and Satan has exploited that familiarity to his advantage by making me almost ambivalent in these areas.

BODY ~ Physical Discipline I'm not merely out of shape, I'm in poor shape. I always find excuses for not working out or for not eating right, and those excuses have only led to me being what I am now. In addition to the typical list of symptoms I get to deal with from being in poor shape, I believe that my current inability to produce children is directly related to my physical health. That both saddens me and enrages me. Things need to change.

MIND ~ Mental Discipline This may be the hardest thing for me to change because I feel like my brain simply does not work the way I need it to in order to be a great leader. I am a very slow information, idea, and thought processor. This makes my ability to work quickly and communicate clearly (especially verbally) a very difficult thing. I communicate well in writing because I am able to think about what I want to write, write it, and then go back and refine my message before anyone ever reads it. I cannot do that with everyday personal interactions and it frustrates me to no end.

The same goes with my work. I have a very difficult time producing quality work under a crunch or with little information or guidance. I rely a bit to much on time buffers. I need to learn how to retrain my mind to be sharper, more visionary, and prepared to produce immediate and high quality results when I'm called upon to do so.

Well, that was an overview of the MG2 Project. You may wonder why I put something like this on my blog. Two reasons - accountability and encouragement. If I make this public, I am more likely to stick with it because I know that other people are hip to what I am trying to accomplish (and what I am trying to avoid). When they see me eating at Barro's, they'll be able to remind me that I have fitness goals that I am sacrificing for two [great] slices of pizza. Also, I hope that people will encourage me along the way to keep at it (especially in relation to my spiritual discipline).

The MG2 Project begins today.

Beginning May 01, 2007

The Road to Nowhere

Well, Heidi and I are back from our get-away-from-it-all trip to Greer, AZ. We had a great time relaxing, eating out, relaxing, watching movies, relaxing, horseback riding, and relaxing.

We stayed at an awesome bed & breakfast called The Red Setter Inn. Here are some photos of the place we stayed. If you ever need to spend some time in the middle of nowhere, this is the place to be.


The Red Setter Lodge


The view from right outside the door to our private deck.


Heidi relaxing on the rocking chair.


The Little Colorado River - just steps from our room.

A Vacation from My Problems!

Heidi and I are going away for a long weekend together.

We are headed to the small town of Greer in the White Mountains in northeastern Arizona. We have never been there, but by all accounts it is a very remote and beautiful area. One of the key amenities at the place where staying is that our room has no phone and no television. Talk about getting away from it all! We can't wait.

We plan on doing a lot of sleeping in, reading, and coffee-drinking. We may even throw in some hiking and/or horseback riding. I'm sure I'll do a little bit of blogging while I'm up there because writing is a creative and relaxing outlet for me. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures to post.

Disclaimer: The title of this post is not intended to be a gripe about my job or my life in general. Its actually a line from one of my favorite movies, "What About Bob".

Here are a few more of my favorite lines:

"Mmmmm Faye? Is this corn hand-shucked?"

"Check it out, I'm in really bad shape. I'm doing the work. I'm baby-steppin. I'm not a slacker!"

"There are really only three names: Dr. Albert Schwitzer, Mother Theresa of Calcutta, probably, and Leo Marvin."

"I get it! If I don't untie myself inside -- the emotional knots, I'm going to explode!"

Not sure why I went off on a "What About Bob" tangent there. Sorry about that. Well, we're off to Lake Winnipesaukee. We'll send you a postcard.

Hierarchy of Sins

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Matthew 5:27 & 28

Is all sin equally bad in God's eyes?

I know that God cannot abide sin no matter how small, but is it reasonable to think that he looks at all sin in the same light? Many people read the verse above and would say that he would see them as equal.

Personally, I have a hard time believing that God would not distinguish between levels of sin. Again, I understand that all sin separates us from God, but is it reasonable to think that God looks at the sin of a child molester as equal to that of someone who deals with selfish pride? Does God's heart grieve equally when he sees a brutal murder and a guy cheating on his taxes?

I think the verse above is not intended to insinuate that physical adultery and lust are one and the same. I believe that Jesus is simply trying to get us to think about the origins of sin's footholds. We don't commit sins by random chance. Sin first plants its roots in our hearts and then grows itself into full-blown active sin.

A person isn't dedicated to a church one day and then cursing the pastor and leaving in a huff the next -- bitterness has to steep in that heart for a while before the sin takes action. A man doesn't just have an affair all of a sudden -- he allows his mind to wander in forbidden fantasies for a while before the sin takes action. It seems to me that all sin is committed only after first being committed in the heart.

Perhaps Jesus was merely trying to give us insight into the origin of our sins rather than to say that both are 100% equal in God's eyes. If we are able to stifle the "sins of the heart" before they become "sins of the flesh", I think that we are making steps toward the holiness that Christ calls us to.

More thoughts on this topic to come...

Excused Absence

To Whom it May Concern,

Please excuse Michael Gray from blogging for a short time. Like the rest of us, he is pouring himself into his work and is tapping himself of as much creativity and energy as he can for the time being. While he yearns to write another post, he yearns even more for sleep. We hope to have him back in the blogosphere sometime after Easter.

Sincerely,

The Management

Focussed Prayer

Many times have I said a prayer that included the phrase, "...God, I pray for your will do be done in this situation...". I think we get this phrase from reading Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night he was captured to be crucified. You know the phrase -- "Yet, not as I will, but as you will."

That phrase is very important in prayer, but I don't think it was intended to stand on its own. Jesus first prayed that God would completely remove the need for him to be crucified. He was specific in his request. He made it clear that he did not want to go to the cross. Only after doing that did he commit to following God's will, regardless of the outcome.

In my prayers, I tend to make suggestions to God rather than straight-up asking him to intervene in my life. I like to start everything thing with, "If its your will...". When you stop to think about it, it seems so impersonal -- like I'm asking a stranger for a favor. If God is our Father, we should approach him like a child would his father.

I am learning that I need to be more bold, more specific for what I pray for. I need to go in believing that God will hear my prayers and that he will answer them. I think that always praying "whatever your will" has been a cop-out for me so that I can avoid being direct.

So my prayer for right now is this:

"God, you know that Heidi and I have been trying to have a baby for the past two years. You have given us the desire to raise children and you have let that fire burn in our hearts for some time now. God, we ask specifically that you bless us with conceiving a child this month. We have always prayed that you would send us a child in your time and we are asking that the month of March be your time. Yet, not as we will, but as you will."

Your added prayers for this situation would be greatly appreciated.

AnGRRRR...

I would say that I'm not an angry guy.

Anger is not one of my vices -- I'm generally easy-going and moderately patient with people. I don't curse at swervy drivers, or call people mean names, or get into (too many) street fights. I'm what you might call an even-tempered guy.

Except on the basketball court. I can get so angry when I play basketball.

I don't get angry when Gumm doesn't feed me the ball in the post, or when Derrick keeps air-balling his 3s, or when Darius intentionally chooses not to be on my team. I get angry only at myself.

When I make stupid mistakes on the court, I become so frustrated. Today I air-balled an easy jump shot, followed my shot, and punched the ball clear up to the rafters (catching your own air-ball is called travelling, so that's why I didn't try to save it). Sometimes I will swoop in for a layup, brick it off the backboard, and then yell out, "COME ON GRAY, YOU STINK!" And I'm really mad at myself.

Now, if I am going up for a tough shot and I miss, I have no problem with that. If someone shot-fakes me and dribbles around, I tell them, "good job". Its the stupid mistakes that get me so fired up. Its not that I'm terribly competitive because truly competitive people compete in everything ("Dude, I bet I can eat a two-scoop ice cream cone faster than you") and I get annoyed at that sort of person.

So I'm going to lay down on the blogger psychoanalyst couch and let you shrink me. If I only get angry with myself for doing stupid things, does that make me an angry person? Do I have a problem? I'm paying by the hour, so be honest.

I Don't Get it...

Most of my blogs deal with the lighter side of life because I enjoy writing about things that are fun. On occasion, however, I will blog about something more serious -- which is the case with today's post. I'm going to forgo the typical "I don't speak for my church, my friends, my family, or my loud neighbor next door" routine because I think that anyone with half a brain understands that this blog is mine and that I am speaking only for myself. If you have half a brain or less, please stop reading now.

I have a very hard time understanding certain aspects of the gay community. While I do have personal convictions on homosexuality, this post is not being written from any spiritual, scriptural, or otherwise religious basis; this is just me trying to understand what an average gay person thinks/feels/wants when in a relationship -- and I'm stumped about one thing in particular:

Why would a gay woman be attracted to a masculine woman, and why would a gay man be attracted to a feminine man? The whole concept of being gay is that you are not attracted to the opposite sex, is it not? Why, then, is it common to see gay couples paired in such opposite-sex ways?*** Is the lack of attraction specific only to the anatomy of the opposite sex?

When I say that I am attracted to my wife, I am not only speaking of her body [further commentary on my wife's body withheld], but also about her nature as a woman. I am terribly attracted to her feminine qualities because those characteristics are so...female. I can only assume that the same holds true in my wife's attraction for me (in fact, I can tell you for certain that she isn't hanging around just so that she can "get with this") . She is attracted to the non-physical qualities that make me a man. Pure attraction, by nature, requires both a physical and emotional connection doesn't it?

To boil my confusion down to one statement, I would say that I find it hard to understand how gay people can have a physical attraction to the "bodily qualities" of the same sex, but an emotional attraction to the "nature qualities" of the opposite sex. This is something that I have been unable to understand for quite some time now.

Comments to this post are appreciated as long as they are respectful.

***Many people might say that I am being stereotypical or generalizing gays with this statement. To that I answer: you are 100% correct. The fact that I am generalizing only indicates that I am able to make statements based on what is commonly observed, and it doesn't mean that I am saying that all gay couples are this way. I do, however, believe that it is a valid statement about the majority of gay couples.

What Dreams May Come...

Dreams are very interesting occurrences aren't they? While your body is prostrate in restful slumber, your mind is throwing a neighborhood block party. Its almost as if the brain gets bored with rest before the body does. Like a child without adult supervision, the mind gets into all the cupboards of the brain and makes a mess. Dreams are ADHD of the mind.

The thing I like best about dreams is the fact that there are no rules governing the dream world. Things that are impossible or ridiculous in real life are completely run-of-the-mill in dreams. If, in real life, I saw a pink moose singing Sinatra songs in the toilet paper aisle at Safeway, I would go immediately to the psychiatrist and get some help. But in dreams, there is always a perfectly reasonable answer for that moose being there, and an equally valid reason why a moose would be singing Sinatra rather than Marvin Gaye. I love that.

In dreams, it is perfectly normal to wear clown shoes to your ex-girlfriend's wedding. In fact, the mother of the bride would undoubtedly compliment you on your style and then lament the fact that her daughter ever let you slip out of her hands.

Here are some of my most vivid weird-but-not-weird dreams:

A family of large, flying Weebles cheering me on as I complete a Noah's Ark jigsaw puzzle at my dinner table in Portales, New Mexico. The only problem was that they only clapped when I put the wrong piece in the wrong place. Weebles are jerks.

My favorite Humpty Dumpty stuffed toy taking me by one arm and one leg, spinning me around wildly, and throwing me through the glass window in my bedroom. He was paying me back for not being more gentle with him, I guess.

Me riding on the back of a flying, fire-breathing dragon and turning to lock lips with the princess hanging on behind me. She was your stereotypical princess - pink gown, tall, pointy pink hat, blonde hair. Beautiful.

Stopping by someone's house and playing with their litter of Cockercats -- half house cat, half Cocker Spaniel -- and thinking that they were, by far, the cutest pets alive.

Those are a few of the ones I remember off the top of my head.

Ok, homework time.

Since you read this blog, I want you to add to it by posting one of your most vivid dreams that had unusual elements that weren't unusual in the actual dream. Everyone loves a good dream. Let's hear yours...

Man vs. Wild

Heidi and I have recently taken a renewed interest in hiking. In past years, we would occasionally go hiking, but we never really kept at it because traveling to Camelback Mountain, or Squaw Peak was always too much of a trek. Now that we have discovered the trails at the nearby White Tank Mountains, our love for wilderness recreation has been reborn.

On our first hike, we decided to try one of the intermediate trails. The total hike was somewhere around 4 miles round trip, and took us about 2.5 hours. I wouldn't say that it was a difficult hike, but it was relatively challenging for two people who have not been hiking in years. On the way down, I thought it might be nice to view the scenery rather than watch my step, and I ended up spraining my ankle.

Prior to our most recent hike, we visited Sports Authority and loaded ourselves up with the right hiking equipment (ankle-supporting, waterproof hiking boots and Camelback water packs). We planned to go hiking on President's Day.

It rained on President's Day.

We were bummed because we were both looking forward to hiking on our day off. We stayed home and watched a movie that afternoon (we watched "Pride and Prejudice" as it happens -- a great film). At about 4:00, we looked to the West and saw blue skies. That was an invitation from God to enjoy his creation by hiking through it. So we headed out.

We took the waterfall trail hoping that the day's rain would make it possible for us to actually see water running over the falls. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Once we got to the top and saw the waterfall canyon, we turned to head back down the mountain. As we were making our way back, I noticed a very dark, ominous cloud come blowing in over the mountain. By about 1/4 of the way back down, we were beginning to be pelted by hail. After the hail came the rain. After the rain came more rain.

By the time we made it back to the car, Heidi, Bella (our dog), and I were soaked to the bone. It was the most fun I have had in a very long time. Heidi, who absolutely HATES being wet and cold, even agreed that it was fun hiking through the rain.

I think that watching that show on the Discovery Channel called "Man vs. Wild" has given us both a sense of adventure when it comes to braving the elements on our own. Please, no comments about how not-a-big-deal it is to hike in the rain. We are starting with rainstorms and working our way up to the Amazon. Baby steps...baby steps.

BIG Mistakes...

Mistakes are common. Every one of us makes mistakes on a daily basis. Mistakes can be as benign as putting your left sock on inside-out; they can be mistakes of negligence like forgetting to feed the dog; they can even be communication mistakes that acidentally start arguments -- like when your wife asks, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" while you are playing 007 and you unwittingly nod, "Uh-huh".

Mistakes are unavoidable. The tragedy regarding mistakes is that, on occasion, people make BIG mistakes. BIG mistakes are not all that common and are therefore not easy to overlook.

Last week, I had the glorious fortune to commit a BIG mistake with my job (please note the sarcastic italics). My mistake is far too freshly-committed at this time for me to go into detail, so I will save the specifics for another day (or another year perhaps). When BIG mistakes are committed, it is always good for others to offer sincere consolation to the offender. My boss, Pastor Greg, very mercifully told me this funny story in response to my BIG mistake:

On the very fist day of his new job at IBM, an employee made a mistake that cost the company over 2 million dollars. The next day, the employee hand-delivered his resignation to his boss.

"What is this for?" the boss asked.

"I figured that after yesterday's mistake," replied the man "that I would be fired for sure. I wanted to save you the trouble of firing me by resigning."

The boss looked at the employee and asked, "Why in the world would I fire you after just spending 2 million dollars to train you?"

You see, I have learned that the key to life after BIG mistakes is learning to never commit the same mistake a second time. Let's all pause right now and say a prayer that I don't commit my BIG mistake again...

[pause]

Amen.

My Home Team Mutated!

Heidi and I love the home team that we have been with over the past year. They have become some of our best friends of all time.

Last month, the group we have grown so close to mutated into two new home teams. I say "mutated" because the other similar words that popped into my mind didn't do justice to what happened. To say we split implies that we went our separate ways after some sort of fallout -- that didn't happen; to say we multiplied sounds to me like we all just started producing babies at rabbit-speed or something -- to date only Brent and Jessica have produced a baby while in our home team (due March 12, 2007!); to say that we diversified our interests is just too corporate America.

I choose the word mutated because it makes me think of the movie "X-Men". In that movie, mutation was both a bad and a good thing for society. For us, our mutation was bad in the sense that we were choosing to take half of our group and have them participate in the exact same event that we had every Wednesday night for over a year, only in a different place. We were losing time with friends that we looked forward to seeing and studying with each week.

What we realized, however, is that our mutation would allow other people in our church the chance to feel the same connection and spiritual growth that we experienced over the past year. Our home team was given a great gift. For us to hoard our personal connection all for ourselves would be selfish and short-sighted.

I'll be honest, the members of our home team do not have special powers like the "X-Men" characters (though, I do believe that Aaron is part Superman), but we have been given the chance to share the power of God's word through Bible study, and a chance for others to feel connected to Palm Valley through our home team.

And those are powers that must be shared with others.

My Personal Guitar Hero

Most of you who read this blog know that I occasionally play guitar for the praiseteam at Palm Valley Church (that is until Derrick Logan came waltzing in with his tall, spiky hair and soul patch, and showed the world that there are far better guitarists out there. Just kidding buddy -- you rock major big-time bad).

What many of you don't know is that I owe just about anything I know about guitar to my fellow praiseteam member Jason Palmer (shown above shredding some insane licks on his axe). I am really a very "special ed" type of guitar learner (MiMR for you educators out there). It has just never been something that comes naturally to me.

Ever since right after college, Jason has slowly shown me how to play guitar. It all started when we played together for Sunday Night Alive (a contemporary service trying to make it in the Presbyterian world -- don't ask, please). He led the band with his bass and I was the [snicker, snicker] lead guitarist. Basically, we started playing songs that only used the notes G, C, and D -- and we played them at about half-pace.

As time went on, I entered into the magnificent world known as, "Notes Other than G, C, or D". From there, I journeyed through "The Land of Bar Chords", a place full of inward cursing and kicking things out of frustration. We also visited "Tempo Town" and "Rhythm Ridge" from time-to-time. Finally, after all my travels, I began to resemble an actual guitarist. Then the contemporary service went bye-bye.

Years later, I joined PVCs team and grew as a guitarist a little more each week that I was on. About 9 months after that, Jason and Nikki started coming to Palm Valley and I prodded him to join the team. He was leery at first, but finally relented. Now, we get the chance to play together semi-regularly and he continues to help me refine my skills.

My newest venture is to become more adept at the electric guitar. It is different in many ways than playing an acoustic. Sometimes it feels like I'm starting over again. But I know that I have the best guitar teacher I have known helping me along -- and that makes me feel more confident when it comes time to melt some faces!

Thanks Jay. You rock!

A Vision for 2007 (Part 1)

Earlier this week, the church staff at Palm Valley met together as Pastor Greg presented the vision for ministry for the coming year. The vision he outlined included tools to help us strive toward our ultimate mission of leading people to become fully devoted followers of Christ. Since one of my personal goals is to become a more effective leader at Palm Valley Church, I though I would take the tools he gave us and reflect on them personally in an effort to more effectively apply them to my life.

1. Work with Passion

For me, working with passion means that I need to realize each day that my work might catch the eye of a hurting person and offer them a step toward healing that they never knew was there. My work might help a person who has become cynical about church feel more comfortable because we have created a church environment they can actually relate to. My work might make it easier for someone to invite a lost friend to church.

If I continually cultivate passion for what I do, it will show in my work and ultimately help to touch lives.

2. Lead with Integrity

We all know in our heads what the perfect boss should be like, how the perfect leader would act. But put us in a position of leadership and we oftentimes find that becoming a leader of excellence takes a great deal of self-discipline and is nowhere near as easy as we thought it would be

Leading with integrity means that we develop a consistency that characterizes our lives, public and private. I know that, in order to focus on being a good leader at church, I need to also focus on paying my bills on time or helping with dishes at home. A true leader is able to strike a balance between excelling at work and excelling at home. That is my goal.

3. Develop and Unleash Leaders

This one is tough for me at times. On one hand, I love enabling people to take initiative and step out in leadership; on the other hand, I also have difficulty letting go of control because I tend to be a perfectionist. I guess you could say that I do a better job at development and a poorer job at unleashing.

With the "Seize the Moment" campaign coming up, I am going to be forced (in a good way) to rely on others to help me. During this time, it is my goal to identify, develop, and unleash leaders who will then go and do the same. I want to loosen my grip on my ministry so that potential leaders have room to spring up around me.

4. Cast Vision Regularly and Creatively

When we lose sight of our vision, we become discouraged and tired. Ministry begins to feel like a job. Setup and teardown begins to tire me more and make me grumpy. But when I focus on the fact that by rolling out mats or running cables I am creating an environment that may lead someone to Christ, the burden of it seems so light and I actually begin to enjoy it (don't tell Mark or Greg).

If I am to raise leaders up and call people toward a goal, I will need to cast the vision. No one will work for Michael Gray, but they will work if they see that their efforts make a difference in the lives of others.

5. Honor Your Family

I love my wife more than anything, and I need to become more protective of my time with her. We used to work close to each other and commute together for 1 and 1/2 hours a day. I loved spending that time with her each day. We also had the entire weekend to ourselves. Now, we only spend evenings together (times where we are usually exhausted from the day) and only part of the weekends together (her days off are my days on).

An entire day with Heidi is a rare occurence.

While I love my job, I am going to have to learn to leave it from time to time for something I love far more. This may mean that something doesn't get done. That is tough for me. But I know that honoring my job above my wife is not honoring God -- even if I work for a church.

Hoopin' it Up (If You Can Call it That)

Well, I just returned from another evening of torture, I mean playing basketball, at LIFETIME Fitness. I do not use the word torture in a physical sense (though a fat guy playing full court ball is not easy on the body), rather in a mental sense. If I am going to be specific, I think maybe it is more of a masochism because no one is inflicting mental anguish on me; I am simply doing it to myself.

You see, in my head I play ball like I did when I was in high school. My mind makes crisp passes to my teammates, boxes out for monster rebounds, posts up strong in the paint, even drives to the hoop for the occasional dunk. In my head, I am a force to be reckoned with.

But then I get the ball in my hands and, for some reason, my brain disconnects completely from my brain stem. The grandiose images of me implementing my "skills" come face-to-face with the harsh reality that even the nerve endings in my body have become fat and lazy.

My brain tells my body, "There's Darius streaking to the hoop. Let's zip a pass to him and give him an assist!" but my nerve endings only receive, "There's Darius streaking. Wouldn't that be funny if he really was streaking? Wonder what's on CSI tonight?"

By that time, someone has stripped the ball from me and made a layup on the other end of the court. Darius is looking at me like I should probably be in sculpting Play-Dough snowmen with the kids in daycare. All I can do is say, "Sorry man, my brain stem is not fully connected to my brain." That usually doesn't inspire much confidence in my teammates. They don't pass me the ball much after that.

As you can see, the mental anguish is quite a hurdle for me. I'm going to keep at it though. One of these days I'm going to whip the ball to Big D and he's going to soar in for a layup, and when he turns to head back down court, he's going to point to me and say, "Nice pass Big Dawg."

Then I will know that my brain stem is making a comeback.

My Kind of Friday

I am just now wrapping up one of the most relaxing and enjoyable days that I have had in months. Today I had the chance to spend the entire day with Heidi -- an event that has become almost completely foreign to me. With our differing work schedules, we have almost completely forgotten what it is like to have a full day alone. I am off on Fridays -- she works. She is off on weekends -- I work. She is still on her Christmas break (she is a teacher) and I stayed at work yesterday until 10:00 to ensure that I could actually take today off.

I cannot tell you what a pleasure it is for me to spend time with my wife. She is so fun to be with and she completely eliminates any stress or frustration that I feel. She helps me to regenerate strength and a positive attitude, just by being near me. We didn't do anything particularly eventful today, we just had a whole day to ourselves. No work. No friends. No family. No church. No plans. Just us.

We slept in until 9:00. We drank our coffee in bed and played Mario Bros. on our new Nintendo DS (thanks Dad). We ate a late lunch at Panda Express. We got Jamba Juice for dessert. We went Christmas shopping (we are having a late Christmas with her family on Sunday). We took the long route home from the mall and just talked. We got home and watched 2 movies. We ordered Papa John's. We drank hot chocolate.

To some, this may seem like a wasted day.

For me, this was my kind of Friday.

Boise State @ the Fiesta Bowl

I just got finished watching the last of the Fiesta Bowl between Boise State and Oklahoma University. I am not tied to either of these teams in any way and I didn't watch much of the game, but I was floored by the way Boise State played at the end. Seeing a game come down to the wire is entertaining enough, but watching an underdog team win using a very tricksy playbook is absolutely amazing.

Congratulations Boise State. You earned it.