Most of my blogs deal with the lighter side of life because I enjoy writing about things that are fun. On occasion, however, I will blog about something more serious -- which is the case with today's post. I'm going to forgo the typical "I don't speak for my church, my friends, my family, or my loud neighbor next door" routine because I think that anyone with half a brain understands that this blog is mine and that I am speaking only for myself. If you have half a brain or less, please stop reading now.
I have a very hard time understanding certain aspects of the gay community. While I do have personal convictions on homosexuality, this post is not being written from any spiritual, scriptural, or otherwise religious basis; this is just me trying to understand what an average gay person thinks/feels/wants when in a relationship -- and I'm stumped about one thing in particular:
Why would a gay woman be attracted to a masculine woman, and why would a gay man be attracted to a feminine man? The whole concept of being gay is that you are not attracted to the opposite sex, is it not? Why, then, is it common to see gay couples paired in such opposite-sex ways?*** Is the lack of attraction specific only to the anatomy of the opposite sex?
When I say that I am attracted to my wife, I am not only speaking of her body [further commentary on my wife's body withheld], but also about her nature as a woman. I am terribly attracted to her feminine qualities because those characteristics are so...female. I can only assume that the same holds true in my wife's attraction for me (in fact, I can tell you for certain that she isn't hanging around just so that she can "get with this") . She is attracted to the non-physical qualities that make me a man. Pure attraction, by nature, requires both a physical and emotional connection doesn't it?
To boil my confusion down to one statement, I would say that I find it hard to understand how gay people can have a physical attraction to the "bodily qualities" of the same sex, but an emotional attraction to the "nature qualities" of the opposite sex. This is something that I have been unable to understand for quite some time now.
Comments to this post are appreciated as long as they are respectful.
***Many people might say that I am being stereotypical or generalizing gays with this statement. To that I answer: you are 100% correct. The fact that I am generalizing only indicates that I am able to make statements based on what is commonly observed, and it doesn't mean that I am saying that all gay couples are this way. I do, however, believe that it is a valid statement about the majority of gay couples.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I Don't Get it...
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3 comments:
Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that you only notice the stereotypical gay people and that the two guys in line with you at the market aren't really buddies, but partners? Your gay-dar is really, really low. But, I do get what you are saying. It is a very good question that I definitely do not have the answer to. Later.
Michael, Thank you for the happy birthday on my blog. When I saw this I clicked your name to see who you were and thus found your blog and this particualr post.
I see now why you might of happened up on my blog.
I will not say this is true for all straight people. But I think a good number of them only perceive the more obvious gay individual and thus assume that is a representation of all gay people. Which simply is not true. They are indeed the more obvious and stand out, but they are not the only representation of our community. There are those of us who pass as straight and no one is the wiser for it until and unless we let the person know our sexuality.
To your question. Begin homosexual is an attraction to the opposite sex. That withstanding, each individual as they go through puberty begin to identify and focus on attributes or features that appeal to and arouse them. Just like in the heterosexual puberty and ideal or attributes that one is looking for in a mate is identified and narrowed. Thus it is easy to see how a gay man could be attracted to and in love with another man who is or appears femme. Or why a gay female might be attracted to a masculine appearing woman. Thus it is easy to see why there are gay partners that are both masucline or both are femme. The combination is just as diverse as the combinations in the heterosexual community. In fact I know of a straight man whom is a very femme type ( those who fall on stereotypes would lable he gay without a second thought ) yet he is totally straight and married and has two beautiful children. His wife is the more masculine one in terms of apperance. They are in love totally.
Some people ( not necessarily you Michael ) are trying to put your peceptions of what you know of your heterosexual lives and trying to apply that to the homosexual lives. While that can be done to a degree, I do not believe one can totally or honestly expect to fully understand the other. But I will say this. There is one fundemental thing that both heterosexual and homosexuals share. LOVE. Love is universal and should not be discounted because that love is different than what you might perceive as normal. Love between two consenting adults no matter their gender is the same. I challenge anyone to dispute that claim.
Thanks Michael it was getting your comments as well. I would be happy to comment on some of your other blog entries.
In response to the comment you left on my blog. Love as you and I agree is a universal concept.
You say: "However, the thought that no form of love should be discounted is something that I must disagree with. I have to discount feelings of love all the time. My wife expects that she will be the only love of my life. I am required to avoid relationships that could lead to a romantic attachment because the standard of marriage that I agreed to requires that I discount love to everyone except for my wife.
Also, what of a brother and sister who love each other? What of a man and 3 women who say they love each other? What of someone who says that they love their pet (and I'm not even talking sexually here)?
If love is the only criteria for validating a relationship, then there is no place to draw the line. Making judgements on feelings of love, to me, is not a very sound way of living."
I do not discount or dismiss the love you have for your wife. You have said it yourself. You have to avoid relationships that would destroy your wife and family. Love is something that develops over a period of time. More of what you have described is people who act upon their sexual attraction and have affairs. Sexual attraction is not love though a good many people seem to think attraction equals love. This simple is not the case.
Also there is many kinds of love. There is the love between mother and child, brother and sister or brother and brother etc etc just to name a few. Then there is the love between individuals such as husband and wife. Boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend or life partners.
Love cannot be discounted when it occurs even if between a brother and sister. The reason this form of relationship is denied is because of the damage inbreeding can cause to a potential child.
What of a man and three wives or a woman and 3 husbands. That is a tricky question. If it is consenting is there really anything wrong with it? If it is consenting and no one is harmed, who are we to say it is wrong?
The love of their pets? Come on, my orginal statement was between two consenting adults. Animals do not posess the ability to make a consenting choice to either love or to be in a relationship.
Then we come to homosexual relationships. Which is between two people who are consenting and committed to each other. Just as you and your wife are committed to each other. Seriously, how does a homosexual relationship or same sex marriage impact your relationship with your wife? It doesn't. Is your relationship anymore special or more important than a gay couple who has lived together and loved each other for 20 or more years?
Also I ask you this. Do you think perhaps priorites are a bit messed up? Heterosexual marriages are resulting in about 50% divorce rate. Critics are saying that gay marriage is a threat to straight marriage. With a 50% divorce rate, this tells me something is is a treat and has already caused damage.
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