Authenticity

Is it always best to be totally authentic in public, to be completely true to your thoughts, feelings, or perspectives, as opposed to covering up your true self or "wearing a mask"?

Most people's first inclination would be to say that we should strive to "be ourselves" at every opportunity and in all situations. Obviously, no one thinks that being brutally honest 100% of the time, with no consideration for the feelings of others is a good thing, but I think that most people in society today would say that authenticity is generally better than hiding true feelings. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it doesn't seem to me to be a positive habit, especially when other people are involved.

If I am going to a BBQ with friends and my wife and I get into a heated argument on the way, my authenticity would dictate that I enter the house with the same attitude of frustration that I left the car with. But who in the world wants to be at a BBQ with a couple who are so visibly in conflict? It seems to me that it would be pretty selfish of me to impose my foul mood on the rest of the people I interact with that day. Don't I have an obligation to hide my feelings and do whatever I can to enjoy (or at the very least act like I am enjoying) the party? Is that fake? Yes. Is it the best thing to do? Yes.

Dennis Prager, one of the clearest-thinking and most influential people on my thinking, has written and spoken extensively on the problems with people who refuse to act happy when they don't feel happy. He believes that acting happy is a moral obligation. We cover up our "authentic" body odor with deodorant and bad breath with mouth wash because we don't want to impose our nastiness on others, but many people don't hesitate to impose their emotional nastiness on everyone.

Feelings are not good for making decisions on how to behave; they tend to be very inwardly-focused and completely ignore innocent bystanders. It's important to be aware of feelings of frustration or unhappiness, but if you wear those feelings on your sleeve all the time, that "authenticity" tends to spill over onto others, usually in a very negative way.

We should always be mindful of the impact of our attitudes on the people around us, even if it means that we throw our precious authenticity out the window.