Authenticity

Is it always best to be totally authentic in public, to be completely true to your thoughts, feelings, or perspectives, as opposed to covering up your true self or "wearing a mask"?

Most people's first inclination would be to say that we should strive to "be ourselves" at every opportunity and in all situations. Obviously, no one thinks that being brutally honest 100% of the time, with no consideration for the feelings of others is a good thing, but I think that most people in society today would say that authenticity is generally better than hiding true feelings. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it doesn't seem to me to be a positive habit, especially when other people are involved.

If I am going to a BBQ with friends and my wife and I get into a heated argument on the way, my authenticity would dictate that I enter the house with the same attitude of frustration that I left the car with. But who in the world wants to be at a BBQ with a couple who are so visibly in conflict? It seems to me that it would be pretty selfish of me to impose my foul mood on the rest of the people I interact with that day. Don't I have an obligation to hide my feelings and do whatever I can to enjoy (or at the very least act like I am enjoying) the party? Is that fake? Yes. Is it the best thing to do? Yes.

Dennis Prager, one of the clearest-thinking and most influential people on my thinking, has written and spoken extensively on the problems with people who refuse to act happy when they don't feel happy. He believes that acting happy is a moral obligation. We cover up our "authentic" body odor with deodorant and bad breath with mouth wash because we don't want to impose our nastiness on others, but many people don't hesitate to impose their emotional nastiness on everyone.

Feelings are not good for making decisions on how to behave; they tend to be very inwardly-focused and completely ignore innocent bystanders. It's important to be aware of feelings of frustration or unhappiness, but if you wear those feelings on your sleeve all the time, that "authenticity" tends to spill over onto others, usually in a very negative way.

We should always be mindful of the impact of our attitudes on the people around us, even if it means that we throw our precious authenticity out the window.

A Truly Amazing Story

Heidi and I have been blown away by the number of people who prayed for us as we awaited Harrison's arrival into this world and his arrival into our family. We knew that our friends and family were praying, but we are learning each day that many more people were lifting this adoption up in prayer than we ever realized.

I have had people I haven't talked to in years call or write to tell us that they had been praying. At church the other day, a lady we had never met in our lives came up, gave us a hug, and said that she was so happy that God answered her prayers. This woman never met us, but prayed to God on our behalf. How cool is that?

Perhaps the most incredible story of prayer for Harrison came this morning when my sister told me about her former boss' prayer:

In the days before we brought Harrison home, my sister was chatting with her old boss and he asked how Heidi and I were doing (we had met him on a trip to D.C. three years earlier). Erin explained the situation we were in and how we were worried that we may have to go back home without the child we have prayed so fervently for. He told her that he was heading out of the country soon and would be sure to say a special prayer for us.

A few days later, he was in Jerusalem, Israel on business. One day, he took some time to go visit The Church of the Holy Sepulcher (the traditionally accepted site of Christ's death, burial, and resurrection). While he was there, he purchased a prayer candle on our behalf, had a priest bless it, and placed it at the location where Jesus is believed to have been crucified. His prayer for us was that the child would be ours.

This happened on Friday, June 6 -- a few hours before Harrison officially became our son.

Amazing.

Apparently, I'm a Sick Man

A number of people have made comments today that make me feel like I might be a complete freak of nature. I have seen some looks of mild-to-moderate horror and have noticed the slight wagging of more than a few heads indicating an unusual level of disgust with me. Even my wife has given me her rare but potent "I can't believe I married you" look. All of this is because I was genuinely looking forward to today's big event: Harrison's circumcision.

[Crowd gasps in horrific disbelief]

I'm not a sadist. I do have a heart. No, its not made of stone -- its made of flesh and blood just like yours.

I have always had a deep fascination with medical procedures, and I had never in my life seen a circumcision -- until today. I wasn't even sure how it was accomplished and I was totally curious to see it. Now, before you call Child Protective Services, please know that I take no pleasure in seeing or hearing my son in pain. The circumcision was going to happen no matter what, so why shouldn't be there to see it?

While Heidi sat in the waiting room a safe distance from where the procedure was done, I got to be there to next to Harrison, comforting him with my voice and a binky dipped over and over again in sugar water. The circumcision was fascinating like I hoped it would be (I'll spare you the graphic details), but I really loved that I could be there with my boy, whispering his name and telling him that I was there and that I love him. That was cool.

I went in today looking forward to the experience of seeing my first circumcision and left the hospital with a sense of gratitude that the medical procedure wasn't the most poignant memory I'd walk away with.

I may be a sick man, but I sure love being a dad.

Photos

I have finally found the time to post a few of my favorite Harrison photos to date. To be honest, my wife's blog is much better equipped for posting multiple images, so please visit her site for the full gallery.


Harrison and Mom in the hospital nursery


Who doesn't like photos of a baby bum?


We both got to give him his first bath


Not crying, just yawning


Grayma and Grandaddy (my parents)


I love his face in this one

Doxology!

After many sleepless nights and thousands of prayers, Heidi and I are happy to announce that Harrison Michael Gray is officially ours as of Friday, June 6 at 11:30 am.



Born Sunday, June 1, 2008
St. Mark's Hospital - Salt Lake City, UT
12:32 pm
8 lbs, 3 oz
20.5 inches

Heidi and I would like to thank each of you who took part in praying this baby into our arms. We are blessed at the opportunity to raise this precious child and blessed that we have friends and family who have helped to pray this boy home.

If you know the doxology, please sing it with me now:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Oh, praise Him! Oh, Praise Him!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

Its Raining in Salt Lake Today

I was sure by now, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen and it's still raining
and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

Praise You in This Storm
by Casting Crowns

Lord, we give all glory to you, no matter the outcome.