Baby-Making 101 (Part 2 of 3)

Alas, you are now reading Part 2. If you have not read Part 1, please do so before continuing, otherwise none of this is going to make much sense.

For those of you like Anthony who are a bit squeamish around language referring to the female anatomy or detailing graphic descriptions of war, I'm going to go ahead and warn you that this post is rated:

While it was fun to try out new ideas, we grew increasingly frustrated that month after month we were having no success. It seemed that so many people around us were getting pregnant with hardly any effort at all, and here we were spitting on microscopes and standing on our heads in the nude. After more than a year of failed experimental baby-making, we decided that our difficulty with conceiving should be discussed with Heidi’s OB/GYN.

Needless to say, we were both worried that something major was wrong with us. We began to think that we might be told that we should get used to the idea that we would only be known to children as “Uncle Michael” and “Aunt Heidi”. Our first infertility appointment at Heidi’s OB/GYN was far more encouraging than we could have predicted.

Heidi’s doctor was a man that came very highly recommended by some friends of ours. As we sat in his office and explained our struggle with getting pregnant and our worries that we may never have kids, he listened intently. He reassured us that one year of trying was not as uncommon as we had thought. In fact, 60% of couples are unsuccessful in getting pregnant after one year of trying. Knowing that we were in the same boat as 60% of couples in America definitely helped in easing our nerves.

When we asked about the best frequency of sex (I was shamelessly hoping to resurrect the rock star sex), he gave us a very vivid analogy on how conception works. He started by saying, “You need to think of the vagina as the beaches of Normandy.”

Let me tell you, a doctor that explains medical details with World War II battle analogies is going to pique any man’s attention. I sat on the edge of my chair as he continued.

“Your goal is to take the beachhead, and you are going to need to deploy a lot of soldiers to accomplish your mission. Keep in mind that many of your soldiers will be lying dead on the beach, but all you need is one to get past the enemy lines and you have the battle won.

“Now, you don’t want to send your soldiers in a few at a time – that’s what happens when you try to have sex every day. You won’t have enough sperm to make much of an impact.”

Goodbye rock star sex.

“You need to make sure you have a good amount of sperm built up. I would say that trying every other day during ovulation is a good rule of thumb.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. My wife’s OB/GYN essentially wrote us a prescription for sex every other day during ovulation, and did it while deepening my American patriotism. This guy was good.

to be continued...