Regression...

Today, I am feeling a little down.

I feel like my kindness is not appreciated by those to whom I give it.

I feel like my potential is never recognized.

I feel like I am a terrible communicator.

I feel like no one takes me seriously.

I feel like I am a weak leader.

I feel like I can't find my footing in life.

I feel like I'm broken.

I feel like no one cares about my thoughts.

I feel like I am alone.

I feel like no one is going to read this.

I feel like others get recognition for every little thing, but I get none for big things.

During my high school and college days, I struggled with my self-esteem. This is certainly not something that anyone is surprised at because everyone deals with it at some time in his life. The thing with me, however, is that one day I just stopped not-believing in myself. To state it more clearly, I started believing in myself.

In my change of heart, I never became arrogant -- I just decided that in order to lead a meaningful life, I needed to be more confident in who I am. I know God made me for a positive reason and I didn't want to cheapen that. It irritated me that I always looked at what I was not compared to so-and-so and that others felt compelled to build me up -- not because I deserved it, but because they didn't want to be around a mopey person. I decided to stop comparing myself to others and focus on my abilities. And, for the most part, it has worked.

On occasions, like today for example, I get those old feelings creeping back into my mind. Sometimes I wonder if I bet on a lame horse when I decided to be more confident in myself. Its not like I am saying that I am worthless or that my life is meaningless; I just wonder sometimes how much worth I truly have or if my life has much meaning on the whole.

How important am I really to the people in my life? Some days, I just feel like I'm not at all.