Michael Gray ~ Uncensored, but Spell-Checked

I Finally Made the Switch

2009-05-14T22:39:00.001-07:00

Dear Readers,

I have finally been able to get my own website address with an all-new blog hosted there. This means that you will no longer be able to see my new posts here on my Blogger site. If you follow my blog, I would appreciate you taking some time to visit my new site and updating your method for following me.

If you subscribed via email, you can do so again by entering you email address on the sidebar of the new page.
If you are an RSS subscriber, please be sure to point your reader to the new site's RSS page.

If you like my writing and think that someone you know might be interested in reading my random thoughts, I would appreciate a referral.

Thanks everyone! See you on the other side!

www.michaelsgray.com

Consensus Kills Leadership

2009-05-01T23:28:00.007-07:00

Consensus is a popular word in today's culture. Somehow, the idea of getting everyone at the table to agree on everything under discussion has become the ideal achievement of teamwork and the truest evidence of great leadership. The only problem with this notion is that true consensus is an ever-elusive destination, and the journey toward it often results in frustration and wasted time.

While sitting in a meeting today, I experienced this wild goose chase first-hand. This last-minute gathering should have lasted one quarter of the time it did, but the inane quest for consensus made it a painfully drawn-out ordeal.

A small minority of people at the table raised relatively minor concerns about an event that had already been planned, approved, and communicated to the public. Those concerns were valid and had every right to be voiced, but despite the fact that the majority of those in attendance saw no reason to alter the already-scheduled event, we as a team were still expected to come to an eleventh-hour compromise. Because consensus demands that everyone leaves the meeting in agreement, each side spent a great deal of time trying to convince the other side of the worthiness of their cause.

After more than an hour of seeking consensus, our only achievement was a roomful of unnecessarily bruised egos and a cut-and-paste compromise that left neither side feeling content. The only real reason we reached any semblance of a "consensus" was that we were all tired of talking about the issue and we just wanted out of the room.

As I drove home, I thought about the fact that no one person in the meeting had leadership over the decisions surrounding that particular event. We were all equal members of a team, and each held equal sway over the others -- a recipe for disaster.

Leadership requires one person who will ultimately set a pace and direction that others can follow. Leaders should be eager to listen to concerns, advice, and ideas from the team, but eventually the final decision falls on them to make. Leaders don't often have the option make everyone feel equally validated, but they do tend make choices based on what's best. Consensus, on the other hand, typically results in frustration for everyone and produces a mediocre result in the process.

I've come to learn that the only people who can hold a position of leadership and also manage to achieve overwhelming consensus are brutal dictators. If true, effective leadership is desired in an organization, consensus should never be a definition for success.

See for Yourself

2009-04-22T20:27:00.002-07:00

If you have followed the Miss California vs. Perez Hilton saga, you probably won't be surprised to know how frustrated I am with all of it. I could go on and on about the things I think need said, but Dennis Prager hits the nail on the head many times over in this debate on Larry King Live:

Whose argument to you find most compelling?

The Travesty of Earth Day

2009-04-22T03:49:00.005-07:00

Today, public school children all over the nation will take time to celebrate Earth Day. They will plant seeds in potting soil in the hopes that their budding tree will grow big and strong and, one day, replace the ones cut down by money-hungry corporations. They will create "artwork" using items that would normally be discarded and sitting in a landfill somewhere. They will sit in school-wide assemblies and have adults warn them of all the things that we should be doing to in order to prevent an impending environmental crisis. They will hear of hybrid cars, carbon footprints, and climate change. They will learn that it is our moral imperative to reduce, reuse, recycle.

And on this day when teachers work to instill in them a deep respect for Mother Earth, many students will continue to show disregard for their fellow human beings.

They will take the styrofoam lunch tray from the cafeteria workers and think about how best to discard it for the good of nature, but -- just like every other day -- they will neglect to utter even a word of gratitude to the person who got up early this morning to begin preparing the lunch they are about to eat. They will brainstorm creative ways to reuse their plastic grocery bags, but they will still be deeply reluctant to be kind and give one of their pencils to a kid who forgot to bring his. They will wonder with disappointment why their family doesn't drive a hybrid car, but they won't give a second thought to the fact that Dad just worked a 10-hour shift and still made time to drive them to soccer practice in that evil, gas-guzzling Chevy Cavalier.

I am a public school teacher, and my class will be taking part in some of today's Earth Day activities. And even though I want my students to appreciate the environment, I want them to appreciate their parents even more. While I want them to look for ways to reuse resources, I much prefer that they look for ways to show kindness. I want them to step over that piece of garbage on the floor to go help out a classmate pick up the books she just dropped all over the hallway. Instead of using their words to express outrage over environmental pollution, I wish I saw more students express outrage over the polluted language used in the hallways between classes.

For me, celebrating nature and preserving the environment is nowhere near as important as teaching kids to live lives of goodness. We celebrate Earth Day, but we don't have a day set aside to celebrate kindness, generosity, or gratitude.

And I think that's a travesty.

Don't Judge the Objectum Sexuals

2009-04-09T22:45:00.013-07:00

When exactly did the mainstream television news outlets lose their minds?

As I think back on my childhood, I very vividly remember school days that began with a generous bowl of Lucky Charms and the calming sounds of Joan Lunden and Charlie Gibson on Good Morning America echoing through the house. Breakfast would vary on occasion -- some days we'd eat bacon and eggs and on other days my mom made waffles -- but the television was always tuned to Good Morning America. It was the American way.

Now I get the sickening feeling that the very show I watched every day as a kid has become nothing more than an pseudo-intellectualized version of the Jerry Springer Show. Take a moment to see what passes as relevant news on GMA now:

I'm just counting down the days until some college professor or coked-up movie star calls me a bigot when I say that I don't believe that an adult woman has the right to marry an inanimate French landmark.

What do you think:

Did Good Morning America legitimize this "new sexual orientation" by airing this piece? If not, then what was the point?

What are your thoughts on the sexologist saying that an objectum sexual's love is "no more and no less of value than other romantic relationships"? Who are we to judge, right?

Roots

2009-04-04T23:38:00.018-07:00

I have been out of the church graphic design business for quite a while now, but I recently had the chance to get back to my roots and create some graphics for my current church (pastored by Heidi's dad). Thanks to the opportunity I had to work with two of the top designers in the industry, I've picked up a few tricks along the way. Here are some of the highlights:

Key graphic for one of the messages of the current series, "I AM":

Standard-issue promotion slides that rotate on-screen before service:

I fully admit that this next slide is a complete plagiarism of CCV's Class 100 graphic. In the epic battle of innovation vs. duplication, duplication inevitably gets a win from time to time. I figured the gods of design would forgive me as long as I copied the best.

I am especially proud of this last graphic because its an original piece by my beautiful wife. She's come a long way in her ability to visualize and create things in Photoshop, and I felt that this design deserved some public recognition.

Sellout

2009-03-30T16:37:00.010-07:00

After a long journey of disconnected solitude, I have decided to jump on the Twitter bandwagon and go for a little ride. Those who have gone before me frequently and fervently sing Twitter's praises -- almost as if the little bird in the logo was the very dove that brought the olive branch back to Noah's ark. By all accounts, I must prepare for the miraculous.

To be quite honest, I'm doing this for one purpose alone -- to experiment and see if this technology truly does make me more connected with others. I am very much a face-to-face kind of guy and I have a hard time seeing how Twitter will give me anything even resembling the sort of connectedness that I get in a personal friendship.

Since its unfair for me to say I don't like Twitter when I have never actually used it, I figure its worth a test drive. If you want to follow my 140-character-or-less musings, my Twitter name is MichaelSGray.

There's More Than One Way to Castrate a Lamb

2009-03-12T20:07:00.005-07:00

You've got to admit, the title intrigues you; it mysteriously draws you in and makes you want to keep reading, right? Well, that's because you have a sick mind and a twisted sense of entertainment. But don't feel too guilty, I fell for it too when I originally watched the video below on Jon's blog.

I love it when blog posts, books, magazines, and/or speeches challenge public perceptions of reality -- when they cause people to think a second time about a long-held assumption, or look at an issue in a completely different light than ever before. This speech by Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe does just that. It's a lesson on finding out just how wrong we can be, even when we feel most confident that we are right.

On a completely different note, what do you think of my new, wider layout? I realize the header image needs to change and I'll get to it when I can. I just got tired of having to resize all my linked videos to make them fit my post.

I Hate That Word

2009-03-03T22:13:00.010-07:00

This evening, Heidi and I walked to our community park to let Harrison play around a bit (his new favorite thing is going down slides). We also wanted to take an opportunity to get out of the house and enjoy some of this beautiful Phoenix weather. Unfortunately for us, our trip of fun and family time was contaminated by a particular behavior that I believe has gotten out of hand in America: public cursing.

The playground at our park is within earshot of the basketball court where a dozen or more kids -- I'd say between the ages of 8 and 18 -- were hanging out and shooting hoops. It was not difficult for Heidi and me to hear most of their conversations, and I'll be honest in saying that I was shocked with a lot of what I heard. The language these kids used was disgusting, and they had no reservations about making their voices heard, despite the proximity of younger kids and other families.

I tried my best to ignore the language and to focus on enjoying the time with my family, and I was doing pretty well -- that is until I heard the word "nigger".

I hate that word.

My ears perked up and I listened more intently to what was going on. Just for the sake of clarity, it's important to note that all of the kids in the group were black, so this was not a matter of a person from one race referring to someone of another race using a hateful term. The word was uttered at least a dozen times inside a minute and was said in the same casual, conversational tone you might expect to hear from people at the local grocery store. No one was being picked on, no one was trying to start a fight, they just used the word as if it were a punctuation mark -- and they punctuated loudly.

Harrison is not old enough to understand or repeat the words he hears (and I doubt seriously that he heard them anyway), but I decided after hearing it a dozen times that we were done. I don't want my child exposed to foul language no matter what his age and "the n-word" threw me over the top. I gave very serious thought to going over and expressing my opinion about them using that word with such abandon, but I am a product of modern American society, and society basically says that a middle-aged white man better never utter the n-word around a black person, even if he's asking them to stop using it because he finds it so vile. I fear now that I missed an opportunity to stand up for what is right out of concern for how I might have been perceived.

As we walked home, I told Heidi how bothered I am by the fact that by far the place I hear the n-word the most is from the mouths of black people. I know of no one in my circle of acquaintances that ever uses that word, and I can't tell you the last time I've witnessed a person of any other race say it publicly. Sadly, I do hear it all through the black culture -- especially in rap/hip-hop music -- and it's disturbing for me to think that the primary reason that word is still a part of our lexicon is because many of the very people to whom the term is so offensive have nurtured it and allowed it to become a common and acceptable part of their everyday language.

Well I say shame on them.

Mormonism's Search for Acceptance

2009-02-28T12:05:00.008-07:00

This post is in response to a gentleman who commented on a previous post of mine. As many of you know, Mormonism intrigues me. I’m fascinated with its interesting and uniquely American history. I share almost identical social values with Mormons. I supported Mitt Romney in the run-off for the presidential election. I grew up in the epicenter of LDS influence. My family has strong Mormon roots. I have known many Mormons and would gratefully call them my friends. Despite all these things, I still have serious objections to LDS theology and take particular issue with the claim that Mormonism is just another Christian religion.

Before reading my response, please take a few moments to read Mr. Madden’s original comment. As always, I welcome additional thoughts from either side of this issue.

Mr. Madden,

Thanks for taking to time to read my post and for feeling free to comment so honestly. I always appreciate people who challenge me to defend my beliefs further because it truly makes me think more deeply and more completely through where I stand on the issues I blog about.

Let me start by saying that I try very hard not to disrespect those with whom I disagree. Though you found deep offense to some of the things I wrote, please know that I am saying nothing with the intent to offend, just in a spirit of openness about what I believe about Mormonism. I think you would agree that – mixed in with the things you found offensive – I also made some very kind comments about Mormons. If you will agree to take no offense where no offense is intended, I’ll agree not to be offended that you think my thoughts make me sound “kind of ignorant and not-really-very-well-educated” :).

You challenged me to “come up with a definition of ‘Christian’ that leaves Latter-day Saints out, but manages to include all the other denominations that [I] would consider to be Christians.” For the sake of simplicity I’m going to forgo all the theological citations and links to various Reformed creeds and confessions, and give you a very tangible reason why our two religions cannot both claim the name of Christianity. Ironically, the answer is found at the very point of Mormonism’s conception.

In Joseph Smith’s first vision, he asked “the Personage” of Jesus Christ which Christian denomination he should join – which one was right. The following answer comes directly from Smith’s account as listed on www.lds.org:

"I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: "they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof."

In one hand, Mormons hold to Smith’s founding prophecy that theirs is the one true church and that all others are corrupt abominations; in the other hand they hold the olive branch of Christian brotherhood. If Christians consent to Mormonism’s plea for acceptance, then we must give equal consent to the belief that all our creeds and practices are disgusting in God’s sight. By accepting Mormonism, Christianity must reject the very faith that they practice. Basically, this whole issue boils down to the fact that Mormons are seeking the acceptance of the very people they have deemed to be unacceptable.

I think the real challenge before us is for Mormons to come up with a definition of Christian that leaves Latter-day Saints in, but also manages to include all the other denominations that Joseph Smith was told were an abomination in God’s sight. Is any Mormon ready to claim that Smith’s founding revelation was wrong? If not, then I’m not sure it’s fair to characterize Christians as the ones who are not accepting.

A Revealing Insight

2009-01-29T21:56:00.004-07:00

Despising the Prodigal Son

2009-01-23T20:14:00.012-07:00

I am writing this post to express my feelings on a particular spiritual issue that has been festering away inside me for years. In many ways, I imagine that what I have to say will generate some pretty strong opposition, and I welcome any challenges or thoughts you may have about this post. For what it's worth, I have heard probably a hundred sermons on this topic and none of them have brought me to a resolution that makes me comfortable.

I dare say that just about every person who has been to church more than three times in his life is familiar with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15:11-32. To sum it up for you, a son goes to his father demanding his inheritance early, squanders it all on whores and partying, goes flat broke, realizes that he never had it better than when he was back home, returns to his father, and receives the celebration of a lifetime when he walks through the door. This is an incredible parable that Jesus tells to illustrate the fact that, no matter what happened in a person's past, God is waiting with open arms to accept him and forgive him.

But the story doesn't just end there.

The prodigal son had an older brother who stayed behind and continued to work faithfully for his father while the younger son was livin' la vida loca with the large inheritance he so selfishly demanded. After the younger son returned, this is what Jesus says went down:

25 “Now his older son was in the field; as he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he summoned one of the servants and asked what these things meant. 27 ‘Your brother is here,’ he told him, ‘and your father has slaughtered the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “Then he became angry and didn’t want to go in. So his father came out and pleaded with him. 29 But he replied to his father, ‘Look, I have been slaving many years for you, and I have never disobeyed your orders, yet you never gave me a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your assets with prostitutes, you slaughtered the fattened calf for him.’

I gotta be honest, I feel for the guy; on some levels I really relate to him. This parable is used over and over again in churches as a reminder that we as Christians need to be about the business of reconciling others to Christ, and I am completely on board with that. Where my biggest hang-up arrives is in the fact that this ungrateful punk already knew the life his father could provide and left it anyway.

I can see how the church would rejoice when a non-believer comes to Christ -- no matter his or her background -- but it kills me to think of the church equally celebrating the return of a believer who knew God before making the deliberate decision to live for the world. In my mind, this sort of person is welcome to return to grace, but not by way of a ticker-tape parade. It seems to me that stories like these typically end up as tear-jerking video highlights or moving on-stage testimonials, while the stories of faithful Christians who struggle each day to deny themselves are ignored completely.

I know that my disdain for the prodigal son is probably a bit off-base theologically, but its difficult for me to celebrate the deliberate disobedience of someone who I believe should know better. I have seen this story happen over and over again since I was in college, and it only gets more difficult to deal with each time I witness it. I guess if I had to boil my thoughts down to its simplest form it would be this: I'm not bothered with the forgiveness in this passage, but I am bothered with the fanfare.

What do you think?

He's My President

2009-01-20T19:37:00.003-07:00

Even though I did not cast my ballot for him, President Obama has my respect.

I always got sick of people saying that President Bush was not their president just because they disagreed with him or didn't vote for him. I have seen such despicable behavior and heard such disrespectful language coming from the mouths of bitter dissenters over the last eight years, and I have long-since vowed never to be so vile toward someone in leadership over me (whether I put them there or not). I will definitely feel free to disagree, but I will never publicly disrespect my freely-elected president.

Many of Obama's social and political views bother me. So does the fact that almost every celebrity in America endorses him (definitely not a group I put much stock in). It also rubs me wrong when I hear Obama's name mentioned in some churches with more frequency and excitement than the name of Christ himself. But most of that is pure, unadulterated hype, and when it comes right down to it, President Obama now holds the reins of the greatest nation in history, and no amount of celebrity endorsement or child-sung anthems of allegiance or media anointing will take away the importance of the task before him now.

My prayer is that President Obama seeks Godly wisdom, leads with just and resolute determination, walks in quiet humility, and wakes each day with a deep passion for preserving this country and defending its Judeo-Christian values.

With a Grateful Heart

2009-01-08T21:27:00.011-07:00

Though our hearts have known him as our son since the moment he was born, on December 19, 2008, Harrison Michael Gray became our legally adopted child. As I look back on 2008 -- a year that will be forever seared into my memory -- I can't help being floored by the vast debt of gratitude I owe to so many who were involved in this process.

God - Thank you for your grace. Despite our uncertainty, fear, anger, and impetuous desire to be in control of conceiving a child, you showed us unfathomable grace by giving us a better gift than we could ever have imagined or achieved on our own.

Heidi - Thank you for being faithful. No matter how hopeless things seemed, you never gave in to bitterness. Your ability to give things over to God both astonishes and encourages me. I am honored to call such an amazing and beautiful woman my wife, and I'm excited to see you now as the mother of my son. I love you.

Birth Mom - Thank you for your selflessness. I cannot comprehend the physical, emotional, and spiritual struggle you endured to make the decision to entrust your firstborn child to a couple you barely knew. Please know that we recognize the enormity of your gift and that we will strive each day to raise him to be a man who earnestly seeks the heart of God. We will never forget you, and we will constantly remind Harrison that you gave him to us not because you didn't love him, but because you loved him so much.

Barbara & Frank - Thank you for your dedication. Without the two of you, this could never have happened. Barbara, your persistence, clear-headed guidance, and endless patience amazed me. Your ability to give so freely of yourself and ask nothing in return is a shining testament to the love of Christ that I know lives in you. Frank, your office made the call that started this whole thing -- thanks for picking up the phone. Also, your expertise made it possible for us to focus on what was most important and avoid the hassle of all the legal mumbo-jumbo.

Family - Thank you for your support. You guys were the shoulders we cried on and the ones we called when everything felt like it was falling apart. Thanks for encouraging us and for fasting and praying for us day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute. We definitely could not have made it through this without you.

Friends - Thank you for your prayers. Whether you are close friends and co-workers we see on a regular basis, a friend of a friend of a friend who heard about our situation, or a guy who lit a prayer candle for us in Jerusalem, your prayers meant the world to us. Thank you for lifting our struggles and desires up to God. Thanks especially to those at Christ's Church of the Valley, Palm Valley Church, Southeast Baptist Church, and Christ Presbyterian Church who gave so much of themselves through prayer, encouragement, gifts, baby showers, financial support, airline tickets, and about a hundred other generous things.

We are overwhelmed by the number of people who were involved in this process and will never forget the amazing out-pouring of support we received. We didn't deserve what you did for us, but we will be forever grateful.

Thank you.

Put Your Fist in the Air!

2008-12-27T00:12:00.004-07:00

My youngest brother's girlfriend Adrienne bought him the entire Guitar Hero: World Tour game for Xbox this Christmas. Needless to say, we rocked out to many-a-song in the days after Philip opened up that wondrous box of musical fusion.

Even though Harrison is still too young to play the game, he got into the fun in his own little way. Check out this video of our biggest fan:

Mormon Temple Tour Photos

2008-12-19T17:19:00.016-07:00

I admittedly have a deep fascination with Mormonism. Growing up in Salt Lake City, I have been around the religion for most of my life. I'm definitely not someone who agrees with their theology or their claim that they are a Christian denomination, but this American-grown religion's short, volatile history and their modern-day people and practices are definitely interesting.

Last week, my family and I took Heidi and her parents (who were in SLC for Harrison's adoption hearing) downtown to Temple Square for a tour. Here are a few photos of that trip:

Temple construction began within days of the Mormon pioneers settling in the Salt Lake Valley. It took 40 years for this intricate building to be completed. Its walls are nine feet thick and the outside is detailed with numerous astrological symbols (including earthstones, moonstones, sunstones, constellations, and the lunar phases).

One thing I find particularly fascinating is the architecture of the buildings are at Temple Square. The fact that these simple pioneers were able to design and build such detailed and ornate structures is amazing to me. This six-spire, Gothic-style building is the largest of all the temples worldwide (over 100).

The granite used to build the temple was quarried from Little Cottonwood Canyon 20 miles away. It took days for each block to be hauled from the canyon to the temple site. Though construction on the Salt Lake Temple was the first to get underway, it was the fourth one completed.

One particular change I have noticed in the tour since I first took it is the fact that most, if not all, the tour guides are young women. The temple guides have been called to do their two-year mission in Salt Lake City (much like other faithful Mormons are called overseas). Our guides were Sister Meyers from Albuquerque and Sister Arnquist from Dallas.

The Assembly Hall was the first building at Temple Square to be completed (1877). It was built using small scraps of granite from the temple construction. This meeting place was where Mormon pioneers met for church in the early years. The building is now used for regular community concerts.

Inside the North Visitors Center, tourists will find huge, detailed murals of popular Old and New Testament stories and a large, interactive model of ancient Jerusalem. The centerpiece of the building, however, is the 11-foot marble Christus statue which stands in the middle of a gigantic mural of the universe. I'd be lying if I said it didn't creep me out a little.

Directly north of Temple Square is the new 21,000 seat Conference Center where large meetings are held (you've seen their painfully boring bi-annual television conferences, right?). This is also the building where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performs. Mormon financial records are not made public, but the estimated cost for this building is over $240 million.

The Joseph Smith Memorial Building is east of Temple Square and was formerly the five-star Hotel Utah. This statue of Joseph Smith sits in the lobby. Mormonism's founding father is a very interesting figure. Descriptions of this man range from prophet of God to storyteller to philanderer. Despite his murky reputation, he definitely was a man of great influence and charm.

This final photo was taken from the top floor of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. I think with a little work, this could easily be used as a postcard. If you are ever in Salt Lake City, I recommend that you spend a few hours to take the tour. I can guarantee you'll discover some things you never knew about Mormonism.

I Might Be Addicted

2008-12-12T14:10:00.005-07:00

I was sick last week and couldn't do any of my half-marathon training, but this week I have been feeling much better. In celebration of the end of my bad cold, I ran 3 days for a grand total of 1 hour, 54 minutes, and 7 seconds over 9 miles of this earth (3 x 3 miles). Don't bother trying to figure out my average time per mile -- it's still pretty crummy.

In the past I never did much running for running's sake, but I think this may become a permanent routine in my life -- and I think I may be starting to enjoy it. Today, I ran to the point of bleeding through my shoe. Please, no jokes about me bleeding pink.

D-Lo ran with me again and this time he brought a beanie for me too. Here we are making pre-run poses that far exceed our actual badness level:

Both times we have run together, Derrick has come to my side of the tracks, but next time, we're going to hit the streets of Dreaming Summit and see what sort of damage we can do there. I'm looking forward to a change of scenery.

5K - A Photo Essay

2008-12-01T23:26:00.019-07:00

I spent the month of November training for a 5K race that took place on Thanksgiving Day. This picture of me flexing has nothing to do with that training, I just think it's a cool photo. Plus it's sure to be intimidating to all my foes (you know who you are).

These are the shoes and the new pedometer I bought prior to training. The shoes help me grip the pavement, and the pedometer shows me just how much time it takes me to run such a short distance. I'm pretty sure it makes fun of me when I'm not around.

This is my one-time training partner D-Lo. He was kind enough to join me one Friday for a run. I'm not sure why he wears that beanie -- he's already got a full head of hair to keep his dome warm. Maybe I should get one.

The 5K race took place in Fountain Hills, AZ at 7:30 on Thanksgiving morning. The whole night before, it poured down rain and only let up an hour before the race. It was a beautiful day for a trot.

Heidi and her sister Heather did the 2K fitness walk on the same day. This is us posing with the turkey mascot before the race began. That smile on my face is real.

This is about 1/3 through the race. At this point, I am still surrounded by a good handful of people -- the little 10-year-old girl running with her dad is not too far ahead of me. The only reason it looks like I'm running perpendicular to the crowd is because I am getting into position for my next photo.

This is the money shot. I love the look of determination on my face, my fists raised victoriously in the air, my gut and man-boobs flapping violently in the breeze. Unfortunately, this slight photo-op detour has put the 10-year-old and her dad out of my reach. The old man behind me, however, is going down!

This is the final straight-away. To my dismay, the old guy blew by me at about the half-way mark and I never really saw him again. At this point, no one is even running with me. The people on the left finished their race long ago, completed a full after-run stretching routine, downed some bagels and juice, took a dozen photos with the turkey mascot, and are now heading back to their cars.

Just a few strides away from the finish line at this point. Heidi is there cheering me on yelling, "You can do it Michael! Give it all you've got!". She told me later that she thought I would have kicked it up a notch on that last leg. What she didn't know is that I was giving it all I had. The remaining race-watchers were nice enough to shout some encouraging words to me while they waited for their 85-year-old wounded war-vet grandfathers to round the corner in their walkers. I could definitely feel them breathing down my neck that last quarter mile.

I'm now across the line. As I strain to fill my lungs with much-needed oxygen, the lady in blue takes a moment to check me out in my sexy, form-fitting red running shirt. I swear, sometimes a guy just wants to have a workout where no one ogles his rippling abs and rock-hard pecs. Am I nothing more than a piece of meat?

This close-up shot clearly shows the agony that I endured to get to this point. I had finished my first 5K run in 40:07 -- certainly not record breaking, but a steady 13.3 minute mile pace (pretty good for a fat guy). As my body began to recover, my eyes scanned the parking lot for the on-site ambulance and EMT team -- just in case.

As soon as I was certain that no medical intervention was going to be necessary, I stopped to take an after-race photo with my beautiful wife. I love that she was there with me, but that smile on my face is very forced. It took every last ounce of strength I had left to have my brain tell my facial muscles to make a smile. What a day!

Well, the first hurdle toward my ultimate 2009 resolution has come and gone. While I'm not terribly impressed with my 5K run, I think it marks an important milestone and showed me that I can improve. The idea of running 13.1 miles by next September seems daunting, but then again, so was the idea of running three miles by Thanksgiving.

Disneyland, here I come!

More Peas Please

2008-11-22T19:22:00.002-07:00

I usually leave the family posts to Heidi's blog, but I had to share another fatherhood first with you (if you don't remember the first first, then click here to read it).

Sin-sen and I got to spend two entire days together while Mom was at a women's conference. In addition to the usual fun we have during father/son time, we got to try a new dish for lunch and dinner - PEAS! Other than baby cereal, the only thing we currently feed him from a spoon is avocado and green beans. Based on past experience, a distaste for peas is part and parcel to being a child, so I wasn't sure how this new cullinay experience would fare.

When lunch rolled around, Harrison must have been extremely hungry because wasn't even in the mood to play with his pre-meal toys. The initial bad mood made me wonder how this whole thing was going to end. Instead of boring you with words, I think I'll just show you how it all went down:

I think the kid likes peas.

Christmas Gift Idea

2008-11-14T23:41:00.004-07:00

As part of a recent process of brainstorming various ways that I could earn a bit of extra money this Christmas, I thought up a t-shirt idea, designed it, and then published it on CafePress.com, an online company that specializes in custom-printed clothing. Here's my final design:

If you or someone you know is a political junkie (or just likes wearing cool, custom-made t-shirts), please pass along this link along to them. I earn a small amount of profit for each item sold, and that money will definitely be helpful in paying Harrison's final adoption fees (December 19 is the official date!). Any additional traffic you can drive to www.cafepress.com/the2grays will be much-appreciated!

Happy shopping!

Running for our Lives

2008-11-07T08:04:00.006-07:00

I just returned from a Friday morning run (read: lumbering jog) with my good friend D-Lo. Since he has Fridays off, he was gracious enough to drive all the way to my house early this morning to join me in 2 miles of self-inflicted torture through the chilly streets of Avondale.

The photo above was taken just before we started. If I had taken another afterward, I would look like death warmed over and he would look pretty much the same as he does in this picture. Jerk. He makes it look so easy.

Hopefully, we can continue with this Friday tradition, and one day I may be able to keep up with him the entire time. If anyone else wants to join our running group, just give me a call. Maybe we can turn this living hell into a fun and challenging Friday mini-mini-marathon.

The Aftermath

2008-11-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

Change We Can Believe In

2008-10-30T22:01:00.006-07:00

This Halloween, be sure to remember that the harder you trick-or-treat, the higher the chance that someone's going to take a ton of your candy and give it to a kid who stayed home and played Grand Theft Auto IV all night.

This is What I Know

2008-10-27T21:17:00.006-07:00

This is what I know - People make mistakes. Consequences are inevitable and oftentimes they can be painful. When we mess up, we'd like nothing better than to move on, forget the past, and continue living without suffering the inevitable consequences. But that's not life.

This is what I know - My adopted son was a mistake. The day he was conceived, he became equal amounts baby and consequence. As he grew each day in his young mother's womb, the world around him was waging war -- not for land or money or power, but for the heartbeat that pounded life through his little chest.

This is what I know - Some people wanted to eliminate his life. They didn't see his existence as a choice that had already been made, instead they weighed his value in terms of a choice that was yet to be made. They didn't see a self-inflicted consequence that needed to be faced, only an unjust punishment that should be avoided at any cost.

This is what I know - Some people refuse to see beyond the immediate. To these people, the value of my son's smile, his laughter, the way he kicks excitedly when I pick him up from his naps, were once on equal footing with a girl's impulsive decision to avoid the inherent consequence of a choice she already made. Because he was of no value to them, in their eyes, he had no value at all.

This is what I know - We almost lost him. Twice. The constant drumbeat of what some call a woman's right to choose almost cost the world a beautiful child. This young mother sat in the waiting room of an abortion clinic two separate times. Each time she felt a tugging inside -- a voice almost -- that told her not to take the easy way out. We realize now with great gratitude that the tugging was done on our behalf.

This is what I know - Some people saw a promise, not a punishment. Instead of telling her the fairytale that she could make it all just go away, they encouraged this young mother to turn her mistake into someone else's blessing. They didn't remove the consequence, they taught her how to find a way to make the best out of the outcome she brought upon herself. That is what life is about. Before we were ever in the picture, these people saved the life of my unborn son.

This is what I know - In a world where hundreds of thousands of couples long to have the opportunity to adopt and make an unwanted child a part of their family, advocating abortion is possibly one of the cruelest social views one can have -- both to the child and to potential parents.

This is what I know - We may never conceive a child. Because of people who could see beyond the superficial morality of our day, and because the birth mom ultimately listened to the tugging inside her, our inability to get pregnant became a non-issue in our journey to have a child. We have been blessed by someone else's biggest mistake -- and we couldn't be happier about it.

Father & Son Time

2008-10-19T20:16:00.011-07:00

Tonight, Harrison and I got to spend some quality "man time" together with no Heidi around. She was at a baby shower with friends and left the two of us home for the evening. I was excited to have some special bonding time with my son.

Because men like to expend energy, we started the night of bonding by participating in a number of fun, physical activities. Harrison started with about 30 minutes of jumping time in his new Johnny Jump-Up. As you can see, he loves it.

Though I enjoyed watching him and taking pictures, I quickly realized that he was doing all the exercise and my tubby self was just sitting on the floor. Bonding should never be a one-sided affair, so I decided that I would lace up my new running shoes, put Harrison in the jogger, and pound the pavement for about an hour.

I don't have any pictures of us in action, but to prove that I actually did run I took a photo of my shoes and new pedometer. In case you can't read the display, it shows 3.26 miles. It's not much, but for a budding runner who is about 50 lbs. overweight its definitely an accomplishment (especially considering that I didn't fall over dead of a heart attack).

We returned and took some time to cool down. I set him in his Bumbo and placed it right in front of me as I stretched. He had a bit of a snooze on our run and seemed to be refreshed because he was making a lot of noise and smiling as I talked to him. Our night of father/son bonding was winding to an end and I was happy with the time we'd spent together.

As I picked Harrison up to take him into his room and change into his PJs, I realized that he had one more bonding experience planned before we officially called it a night. You remember when I said earlier that men like to bond through physical activities? Well, my son reminded me that men also like to bond through the hilarity of our bodily functions. As a vivid reminder of this fact, he did this:

If you think this looks pretty benign as far a diaper blowouts go, please know that the other half of this mess was all over my hands and forearms and extended from Harrison's rear up into his hair. I tried to clean him up with baby wipes, but only succeeded in getting poop on everything within a 3-foot radius.

I quickly decided that two things needed to happen immediately. 1.) I needed to get the heck out of that room before my vomit became an added part of the mess, and 2.) I needed to get him into the tub because the only thing that would clean this kid properly was the pulsating massage setting on the shower head.

After his impromptu bath, I took my freshly-cleaned child back into the room -- which now had a foreboding green cloud billowing from the door -- to get a clean diaper, the baby lotion, and his pajamas. I snapped this photo on my way back out:

After this unplanned 30-minute interruption of frantic screaming (me), dry heaving (also me), and joyous splashing in poop-water (that would be Harrison), I finally held my son in my arms, fed him his bottle, prayed over him, kissed his sweet sleepy face, and laid him down for the night.

Sometimes the things you least expect make the best memories. I'm sure I will remember this night as long as I live.

Let Me Xplane

2008-10-09T13:38:00.004-07:00

For those of us who don't quite understand how the economy got to where it is today:

Thanks to Jeff Schinella for pointing me to this video.

We're Losing the Fight

2008-09-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

This post was inspired by and is, on some level, a response to a recent entry on Derrick's blog.

The Visiting Team

Christianity is losing ground each day in America. My pastor describes it best when he says that the church is no longer the home team in American culture -- we've been relegated to the status of visiting team. There was a time in our nation's history when going to church was a given for most families. That time has come and gone.

According to a 2006 study by the American Church Research Project, less than 14% of Arizonans attend a Christian church on any given weekend. That's 86% of our friends and our neighbors who don't have the time, energy, or most importantly, the desire to darken the door of a local church. The rest of the nation doesn't fare much better.

Many speculations exist about why churches in America are drastically losing influence over our culture. Some might say that the church is irrelevant because it hasn't kept up with the changing times. Others might contend that it's because churches are full of hypocrites and the average American can't stomach the two-facedness. Still others might say that people have finally outgrown the fairytale notion of an all-powerful puppetmaster controlling the universe.

All of these are contributing factors in their own right, but to me the two biggest reasons we are losing the hearts and minds of the American public are:

1.) Secularism is constantly calling Christianity to the mat in the public square and Christians are largely unwilling or just plain afraid to step up to the fight. When one side levels a challenge and the other backs down, people assume that the one who shied away is the weakest. We are losing one of the world's most one-sided PR battles because we have conditioned ourselves not to push back for fear that we'll come across as judgmental or be labeled a fundamentalist.

2.) This deep-seeded fear of labels has changed our focus. Christians are increasingly more concerned with whether or not we're culturally relevant than whether or not we're Biblically relevant. You see, biblical relevance has a higher tendency to cause people to be labeled intolerant or hateful because the Bible is a counter-cultural text. Cultural relevance, however, concerns itself more with how we are viewed by society and prompts us to avoid being counter-cultural so that we can be in good standing with them.

"God Hates Fags"

Here's a great example of how we're losing the PR battle in America. When you read the disgusting subheading above, what group of people comes to mind? If you were a non-religious person, you would most likely think "Christians". You see, when Fred Phelps and his ridiculously small and ridiculously over-aired group are featured on the news picketing the funeral of a gay man, little to no time is given to explain to viewers that this group of people are plainly shunned by the vast, vast majority of churches. Instead, the secular powerhouses that we call the news media and the local university devote their time to dissecting why Christians hate gays.

I have been part of a number of conversations where the person I'm talking to is accusing Christians of being hateful to gays. When I ask for an example, Phelps and his sick family are commonly brought into the equation. It doesn't matter to people that their influence on Christianity is a zero. It doesn't matter that other Christians have publicly opposed them. What matters is that the secular world has painted their picture of Christians, and society consumes that image day after day.

What happens in response to this can only be explained as Christians shooting themselves in the foot. Instead of standing up and making it clear to the world that our stance is nothing like the stance of Phelps, many Christians treat his worldview as if it were a legitimate and embarrassing segment of our religion -- because that is what the media says. So instead of saying plainly that those views are in direct opposition to our beliefs, we validate society's accusation of our homophobic status by believing ourselves that Christians by and large are gay-haters.

As an example, here's an exact quote from Derrick's recent post: "You see... for Christians... homosexuality is like the plague. We stay so far from it, like we'll get Satan coodies [sic] if we actually meet a gay person. The thought of having gay friends makes us feel dirty... kinda like listening to a "secular" song and liking it. " (Read it in complete context)

While I do not for a second doubt Derrick's heart behind this, it makes me cringe a bit because it sounds exactly like what one might hear on a college campus or from the lips of Bill Maher. Derrick says it to challenge his fellow Christians to consider their attitude toward gays, and I love that. What kills me is that the ever-growing non-Christian world doesn't make that distinction, but instead uses this sort of statement as "proof" that they were right about us in the first place -- and the stigma of homophobic Christians sinks deeper into the mindset of society.

Unfortunately, the average American isn't likely to experience another perspective on Christianity unless they attend a church, which they're far less likely to do now because who would want to spend their weekend hanging around a bunch of judgmental gay-haters anyway?

Don't Judge Me

A Christian's understanding of right and wrong is supposed to be determined by the Bible, while Secularists are -- within themselves -- the ultimate source for right and wrong. This worldview of moral relativism has slowly crept into mainstream Christian thought as evidenced by the popular notion that Christ says plainly that we are never to judge others, just love them ("Do not judge, or you too will be judged." ~Matthew 7:1). Non-Christians love to cherry-pick this verse, and most Christians tend to shrink back when they hear it for fear that the words "intolerant", "unloving", or "judgmental" will be thrown around next.

Christians, does Jesus really command us to refrain from holding people to any standards? Taking this verse alone and out of a broader Biblical context might suggest just that. But what, then, do you do with John 7:24 where Jesus says, "Stop judging according to outward appearances; rather judge according to righteous judgment”? This verse taken alone seems to argue that he does call us to judge. So what's the deal?

What I believe the verses on judging teach is that if you say to someone, "I'm going to hold you to such-and-such standard," then you need to be ready and willing to be held to that same standard. Let me give you a personal illustration of this:

I'll be honest - I'm about 50 pounds overweight and I rarely eat healthy or exercise. If a friend of mine is also overweight and I constantly badger him about the fattening foods he eats or the exercises he should be doing, but don't put those standards into practice myself, what good am I? Before I hold my friend to a standard (judge him), I need to prepare myself to be judged by the same standard. Using my fitness illustration, this verse might sound more like, "Don't criticize your buddy's love handles, or he'll have the right to criticize your man-boobs."

I don't think Christians can avoid having to uphold standards, but I think its clear that we need to promote our Biblical values while remembering to live them out (and we need to be ready to be judged by them as well). We need to worry less about cultural relevance where each person is his own value system, and worry more about the values given to mankind through the Bible.

This Post is Long!

Yeah, sorry about that.

I could honestly keep going for another ten paragraphs because there are so many tangents and details that I could discuss. Sometimes it becomes very difficult to consolidate my thoughts and still communicate clearly. I have very deep convictions on the Christian worldview and the reasons why I think were losing the fight for the hearts, minds, and souls of the American people. For the sake of my fingers and your eyes, I'll have to leave this post as it stands now and hope that it has caused some people to think twice about their views.

If you have any comments, rebuttals, or criticisms, I welcome them -- though I'm not prepared to accept any workout or dieting advice at this time :).

Thanks for reading.

The Greatest Illusion of All Time

2008-09-24T22:14:00.009-07:00

Arguably one of today's most talented illusionists, David Blaine can be seen on TV and all over YouTube performing incredible bits of street magic that always generate confusion and wonderment with onlookers. His tricks are very unique and complex, and he pulls them off with a deadpan effortlessness that gives him an increased air of mysticism (and sometimes creepiness).

Tonight, ABC had a two-hour special on Blaine's career that ended with a never before seen stunt/illusion called the "Dive of Death". For the one hour and 55 minutes leading up to the final performance, they showed the typical stock footage clips of him walking up to people on the street and performing for them, intermingled with childhood photos and him doing a voice-over of how he became interested in magic. While most of the tricks were interesting, two hours of this got old pretty quickly.

Finally, the time for the last stunt had arrived and Heidi and I sat on the edge of our seats to watch the illusion we had been waiting two hours to see. The host had been promo-ing the final trick before every commercial break saying that, while no one but David knew what the "Dive of Death" was going to be, it was sure to be incredible. Our time investment in the program was proof enough that we were looking forward to seeing it.

And then it happened -- we witnessed the greatest illusion of all time.

The true illusion was not the "Dive of Death" as the network would have you believe. No, the true illusion was the promise that if we sat through the entire program, we would see something remarkable. That's right, we sat in our living room for 120 minutes to see Blaine's lamest stunt of all time. I can't even explain with words how benign it was.

As the final credits rolled, Heidi and I sat in a completely different form of wonderment than we expected, and both of us wondered how in the world we allowed ourselves to be unwitting participants in the greatest illusion of all time.

PG-13 Politics

2008-09-15T17:02:00.004-07:00

I realize that this is all over the internet, but I just had to post this video here because it cracks me up. If you are offended at PG-13 dialogue, then you probably never watch Saturday Night Live and won't be missing out by clicking along to the next blog on your list anyway.

For the rest of you sickos, enjoy:

Please forgive me in advance for the Splenda commercial.

Bloodlines

2008-09-14T19:19:00.004-07:00

Today we had the dedication ceremony for Harrison at our church. Below is the text of a letter that I read aloud to him at the beginning of the private ceremony. Heidi wrote these words last week, and I believe that they are among of the most powerful and inspired words I will ever read:

Harrison,

A few months ago, we adopted you into our family. We don’t know why God didn’t allow mommy to carry you in her tummy, but we do know that God designed you specifically to be a part of our family. You were intended from the very start to be with us, and we have prayed for you for many years. But, our adoption of you is not the most important one you will ever have. We pray that one day you will be adopted into the family of God, by accepting the gift of Jesus Christ as your Heavenly Father. And one day, we pray you understand, that we are united by a bond that cannot be broken -- not because of the blood that flows through our veins, but because of the blood that flowed down the cross.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Photos from the dedication and more thoughts from Heidi can be found here.

Please Love Me!

2008-09-05T12:44:00.011-07:00

Bloggers are interesting people.

We like to think that our thoughts and our writings make a difference in the world. From time to time, we have the proclivity to develop a slightly over-inflated ego about our own self-importance (come on now all you bloggers, just admit it). It's easy to slip into saying things like, "You really need to check out my latest blog post," or "You mean you haven't ever visited my blog?" We don't mean to sound conceited, we just think you would benefit from hearing our thoughts on life.

Winning you as a reader is a small badge of honor. If you actually subscribe* to our blog, we feel like we've just earned the Congressional Medal of Honor. We love to feel important.

A friend of mine has this shirt and it cracks me up because it unapologetically smacks us bloggers across the face with the reality of our actual importance:

This applies to most bloggers. However, if you are some one like Jon Edmiston you have an actual following and your thoughts actually are important to the world.

The rest of us ~~hate~~ envy people like him.

*You can subscribe to this blog through an aggregator like Bloglines or use the links on the right to get you connected to the words and musings of Michael Gray. Hey, I may be shameless, but I'm not stupid. I'm hoping to break the 20 subscriber barrier! Woot!

In the Shadow of the Moon

2008-08-31T22:07:00.004-07:00

Heidi and I just finished watching an amazing Ron Howard documentary called "In the Shadow of the Moon," which tells the story of the men who flew the six Apollo moon missions between 1969 and 1972.

I was surprised to learn just how fragile these missions were. President Kennedy's call for America to land a man on the moon by the end of the 60's was not merely something he said when NASA was all ready to go; it was a huge, visionary leap into the unknown realms of science and technology -- and America's best and brightest answered that call.

These men, in the face of extreme pressure and relative uncertainty, flew their missions flawlessly. Their experiences punctuated a very tense chapter in American history (Kennedy assassination, Martin Luther King, Jr. assassination, rising racial tensions, and the Vietnam War) with a feeling of patriotism and accomplishment that has not been rivaled since.

Hearing these remarkable astronauts tell the story of their training and missions is inspiring.

What an amazing generation of men.

Parenting Tips - Week 1

2008-08-31T15:14:00.003-07:00

As a new father, its important for me to read books and articles that help me to become the best dad I can be for my son. I want to learn from the wisdom of those who have traveled the road of fatherhood before me, and I want to impart that wisdom to others.

Fortunately, I have found some foundational tips for new parents and I am able to present them to the world without requiring any reading for those who wish to learn (lets face it, new parents don't typically have the energy to burn through a book without falling asleep between chapters anyway).

This week's topic:

Nutrition and Your Baby: Feeding Tips for New Parents

09.06.09

2008-08-20T21:34:00.007-07:00

This is Tough to Watch

2008-08-08T10:01:00.003-07:00

That Sounds Too Starbucksy

2008-08-05T23:15:00.003-07:00

Long post, but it's an important issue:

A popular trend in modern American churches is to buck religious traditions in an effort to open new doors for people to hear the gospel. While I can certainly understand and agree with that end goal, I occasionally grow uneasy with the lengths that some churches go in the effort to distance themselves from religious practices of the past. The effort to remove "churchy" language from church is one that keeps me going back and forth.

One of the greatest historical examples of challenging religious tradition and churchy language is when Reformer John Wycliffe pushed to have the traditional Latin translation of the Bible translated into the "common tongue" of English. Wycliffe's reason for the language change was because "it helpeth Christian men to study the Gospel in that tongue in which they know best Christ’s sentence."^[1] Before that time, the Roman Catholic Church demanded that all religious instruction and observances be carried out in Latin, which was considered the language worthy of the majesty of God. Unfortunately, only the wealthy and well-educated of the 14th century were able to read or understand Latin; the common people were left in the dark.

Nowadays, some churches work very hard to keep religious language on the same level with the modern culture, many by trying to remove any language that sounds churchy. Though I am all for making the gospel accessible to all people, I sometimes wonder if these churches are washing away some of the most important characteristics that distinguish Christianity from popular culture.

One of our pastors, Paul Wilson, made a comment a few weeks ago that made me rethink the wisdom of removing religious language from our daily conversations. We think that asking people to operate within the realms of our culture is somehow a barrier to them being able to connect with Christ. Paul pointed out that, if you look at the Starbucks Coffee chain, their language and environment unapologetically requires that you assimilate into their unique culture.

They call their drink sizes tall, grande, and venti. You can come in and order a medium [insert drink here] and they'll kindly respond by saying, "OK, that's a grande [insert drink here]?" They do not apologize that they have their own language at Starbucks -- in fact that's a characteristic that helps them stand out from other coffee shops. Their thousands of customers create a rather solid confirmation that using language unfamiliar to the average person does not turn most people away. In fact, most customers eventually begin to learn the Starbucks lingo and make it a part of their vocabulary.

What if, instead of filtering every word of our church language through the lens of pop lingo, we retained some mystery to our vastly unique culture and asked others to take part in learning it for themselves? Would that make Christianity more or less appealing?

I'm not sure I know the answer to that. What do you think?

^[1] Paul D. Wegner, The Journey from Texts to Translation (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1999)

A Surprise Party of Sorts...

2008-07-30T12:17:00.006-07:00

Today is Heidi's 29th birthday. I have covertly set up a post on her blog where people can go to send her a quick happy birthday message. Please take a moment to let Heidi know that you are glad that God put her on this earth. I know I am.

My Kind of Environmentalist

2008-07-21T22:13:00.007-07:00

In a world that has become so insanely hysterical about global warming, it's refreshing to hear someone -- especially a celebrity -- talk about caring for the environment without predicting the end of the world or defending the moral necessity of investing in carbon credits (don't even get me started).

This interview with Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe, appeared in this month's issue of Men's Health magazine and I wanted to share part of it here. With Rowe as our spokesman, real men can care about the environment again without looking like a bunch of wacko greenie pansies.

Was that a bit too harsh?

===========

There's a rumor going around that Dirty Jobs is the greenest show on television. Does that surprise you? Not really. I'm the one spreading it.

Any truth to it? Plenty. More than half of the 200 jobs we've profiled in the past 3 years benefit the environment in a direct way.

Why do you think people have been slow to notice? Because Dirty Jobs has no environmental agenda. We're not trying to save the planet or call attention to the latest crisis. We're just profiling real people who work hard and get dirty in the course of putting bread on the table.

You're talking about garbage haulers and sewage workers? Yeah, but I'm also talking about entrepreneurs. Like the guys in Florida who scuba dive for golf balls in alligator-infested water hazards and resell them online. Or the dairy farmer in New England who markets biodegradable flowerpots made from cow poop. Or the pig rancher in Las Vegas who collects leftovers from casino buffets and feeds the slop to his swine. These people are greener than Al Gore in a cabbage patch.

Is that what you meant when you told Larry King “brown is the new green?” Actually, what I said was Brown before Green. Like in the dictionary.

So your position on the issue is alphabetical? That’s funny. Very few people who want to talk about the environment these days have a sense of humor.

Why do you think that is? Because the “Greens” have been busy scaring the crap out of us. Haven’t you heard? “Your SUV is melting Greenland. Your hairspray put a hole in the ozone. Your kids are going to inherit a charcoal briquette.”

Well, the stakes are a little scary. Should we really be laughing about global warming? No. But relying on fear and guilt to modify behavior usually leads to comedy. Like in the hardware store, where they tell me the plastic rake in aisle 4 is “environmentally friendly” because it doesn’t use wood. Then, further down the same aisle, they promote a steel rake with a wooden handle as “environmentally friendly” because it uses a “renewable resource.” What a crock. I still don’t know the right answer to “plastic or paper?” Does anybody?

You seem a little agitated. I am. Look around this hotel room. Nice, right? Well there's a sign on the back of my toilet that says, "It's Your Planet—Keep It Green!" The sign is covered with little raindrops with sad faces drawn into them. What do you think they're trying to tell me? You think they're trying to save water by asking me to not flush my pee?

So you have a problem with saving water? Not at all. Hell, I'd pee in the shower if it'd save me money. The thing is, who enjoys the savings? Do you think I'll be seeing a discount when I check out? Some sort of urine rebate?

Uh . . . probably not. Hotels are saving millions of dollars by guilting their customers into forgoing fresh towels and linens in the name of environmental responsibility. Those same hotels are happy to sell me a bottle of water for $5—a plastic bottle, no less! You have to laugh.

So you’re sympathetic to the cause, but critical of what exactly - the execution? If we’re talking about the importance of cleaning up after ourselves and leaving a light footprint, I’m all for it. But really, I’m tired of being lectured by people who care more for the planet than the people on it. There’s a lot of “inconvenient truth” in the environmental movement, and a ton of manipulation. That leads to hypocrisy and opportunism.

You’ve put some thought into this. I’m not done. The people I meet on Dirty Jobs would never describe themselves as “green,” yet they do more to clean up our environment in the course of making a living than any celebrity ever will. If you were looking to launch an environmental awareness campaign that real people can relate to, I’d say “Get Down with Brown,” and hire a plumber to act as spokesman.

So you’re not impressed with the efforts of people like Al Gore and Leo DiCaprio? I’m not going to question anyone’s agenda or motive. But I strongly suspect that millions of responsible Americans who see themselves as environmentally conscious have been turned off by the marketing of green, and might feel uneasy about falling in line behind movie stars and politicians. Celebrities might generate awareness, but flying around in private jets and being famous doesn’t help our environment. Picking up other people’s garbage does.

Butt-Borne Diseases

2008-07-14T16:53:00.008-07:00

Updated Monday, July 21

Let the record show that the largest percentage of readers polled (42%) agree with me that toilet seat assessment is the way to go when considering the use of paper seat covers. In a close second, 35.5% of people opt never to tempt fate and would cover the seat every time, even at Martha Stewart's house. And bringing up the rear (no pun intended) is the 22.5% of people who were raised by monkeys and think that personal hygiene is merely a fad.

Let the record also show that this post garnered more comments than the one celebrating the birth of my son. I have a very peculiar reader base.

Thanks everyone; this was fun!

============

Do you always use the provided toilet seat covers in restrooms?

I discussed this with Cameron today and we have somewhat differing views. He says that he would never think of not using a seat cover and I am all for assessing the restroom's cleanliness level before making a decision either way. If the restroom appears clean, then I have no issues. If I am at the airport in Reno, however, I will always opt for protection.

So what about you? Please take a moment to respond to my official, scientific poll on the right-hand column. If you decide to participate, you are required to be 100% honest -- don't worry, you will remain anonymous.

The poll closes a week from today, so weigh in now [poll closed]

If you simply want to make fun of me and tell me how disgusting I am for selectively using the seat protectors, the comment link is below. Try to be kind.

Woman Gives Birth to Middle Linebacker

2008-07-11T12:49:00.007-07:00

HOUSTON, TX - A local couple who thought were going in for a routine C-section delivery of their first child were surprised to discover that their little bundle of joy came out to be an unusually big bundle of joy. Brayden Brooks Gray, newborn son of Jonathan and Michelle Gray of Kingwood, birthed in at 10 lbs. 10 oz. and just short of 23 in. long.

While the delivery was routine by all medical standards, doctors were baffled at what they saw as Brayden was removed from his mother's uterus. "I couldn't believe my eyes," said the on-call obstetrician. "I have never delivered a baby with a football helmet already strapped to his head."

Along with the helmet, baby Gray was reportedly also born with a full set of shoulder pads, cleats, and what appeared to be an NFL contract postdated for 2026.

"I was amazed," said new father Jonathan. "Not only did I witness the birth of my first child, but I also got to meet the youngest-ever NFL draft pick -- all from the comfort of a sterile maternity ward operating room." New mother Michelle only commented by saying, "Cleats?! Thank God for epidurals!"

By press time, the team logo on the helmet could not be confirmed. Some medical staff insist that it was the Houston Texans, while others bitterly contend that they saw the tell-tale Dallas Cowboys star. One orderly made the suggestion that he believes that it may have been a Denver Broncos helmet. Police are still on scene investigating his murder.

For now, the Grays seem content with their new baby and insist that they're not going to give him any special treatment just because he is already favored to lead his team to a decisive victory in the 2028 Super Bowl.

"We are just glad he's healthy," said Jonathan, "and that we can pay down our medical bills through the sponsorship we just signed making him the spokesman for Gatorade's new Breast Milk Mountain Blast energy drink."

Hear the Debate

2008-07-09T21:48:00.008-07:00

It turns out that the link to the debate I posted below is no longer on iTunes. I have included it here in mp3 format so that you can listen directly from this page:

If you enjoy this episode of the Dennis Prager Show, I strongly recommend that you subscribe to the free podcasts of his show. It's not all politics -- he covers a wider range of interesting topics than any talk show host I have ever heard. Even my wife loves listening to him -- and she hates talk radio.

I specifically recommend that you check out his weekly Male/Female hour. His insights on marriage and male sexuality are spot-on and he holds nothing back. If you are married (man or woman), your thinking will definitely be challenged.

Sleep Deprivation

2008-07-08T14:57:00.006-07:00

Many of you who know me well can attest to the fact that my mind doesn't react favorably to being tired (or on heavy medication). When it gets late, I tend to lose that filter that usually rests somewhere between my brain and my mouth. This makes it possible for me to say things that I normally wouldn't on any given afternoon -- nothing cruel or nasty, just different from my normal self.

Now that Harrison is here, I have many more opportunities to be filter-less. In fact, my lack of sleep is even taking a toll on my actual sleep time. It seems that I have developed a proclivity to walking and talking in my sleep (ala Greg Rohlinger).

Here are two incidents from this past week that my wife told me about:

Heidi woke up at 1:30 and noticed that I wasn't in bed. She came out to the living room and found me laying on the couch in the dark and asked, "Babe, what are you doing out here?" My response was, "I'm just uploading videos! You wouldn't understand!" I remember nothing.

The other incident was a few nights earlier. Heidi had just finished feeding Harrison in the living room, laid him down in his crib, and crawled back in bed next to me. I greeted her by saying, "I don't know who you are, but I'm sure glad you're here." Just so you know, wives love to hear that from their husbands.

People always tell me not to wish away Harrison's life by looking forward to him growing up, but I believe that the day he starts sleeping through the night will be a glorious one in my life. I doubt I'll look back in 20 years and think, "If only I had never wished away that time in Harrison's life when I wandered aimlessly through the house at night and said strange things to my wife, my dog, and any inanimate object I ran into."

I love my son, but I need my sleep!

Independence Day

2008-07-04T10:12:00.005-07:00

Happy 4th of July everyone! We are blessed to live in a land where freedom and liberty are ways of life, not something we have to fight for every day. Let's remember the sacrifices and courage of the millions of others who have made America what it is today.

God bless America!

Let's Be Clear

2008-07-01T11:46:00.011-07:00

Politics is a necessary evil. It can be so maddening and full of hype that many people decide to completely ignore what is happening in the political realm and choose to turn their attention to more easily-digested forms of sadism (like watching Wipeout).

Even though politics can be frustrating, I believe that it is important for each voter to take a good look -- beyond mere emotions -- at what's at stake. While many political junkies are obsessed with trying to convince you to jump on their party-line bandwagon, I think its more important to get a clear grasp on where each party really stands so that you can be well-informed enough to make a confident decision in the voting booth this November.

One great way to be clear about the differences between the parties is to listen to this exchange between conservative radio talk show host Dennis Prager and liberal newspaper editor Arriana Huffington. I promise that this is no shouting match, its both friendly and respectful. More importantly, it draws a clear distinction between the parties and their political and social ideals.

Clicking the image below will open up an iTunes podcast screen where you can download and listen to the debate for free. Its about 35 minutes long, but well worth every second. If you don't have the time now, I recommend that you download it to your iPod and listen to it at work or in the car.

Update: This link now points to a new post with audio streaming.

If you are not interested in taking the time to understand the deep and dividing differences represented in the upcoming election, then this video will probably be of more significance to you as the election draws nearer:

Authenticity

2008-06-25T23:04:00.005-07:00

Is it always best to be totally authentic in public, to be completely true to your thoughts, feelings, or perspectives, as opposed to covering up your true self or "wearing a mask"?

Most people's first inclination would be to say that we should strive to "be ourselves" at every opportunity and in all situations. Obviously, no one thinks that being brutally honest 100% of the time, with no consideration for the feelings of others is a good thing, but I think that most people in society today would say that authenticity is generally better than hiding true feelings. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it doesn't seem to me to be a positive habit, especially when other people are involved.

If I am going to a BBQ with friends and my wife and I get into a heated argument on the way, my authenticity would dictate that I enter the house with the same attitude of frustration that I left the car with. But who in the world wants to be at a BBQ with a couple who are so visibly in conflict? It seems to me that it would be pretty selfish of me to impose my foul mood on the rest of the people I interact with that day. Don't I have an obligation to hide my feelings and do whatever I can to enjoy (or at the very least act like I am enjoying) the party? Is that fake? Yes. Is it the best thing to do? Yes.

Dennis Prager, one of the clearest-thinking and most influential people on my thinking, has written and spoken extensively on the problems with people who refuse to act happy when they don't feel happy. He believes that acting happy is a moral obligation. We cover up our "authentic" body odor with deodorant and bad breath with mouth wash because we don't want to impose our nastiness on others, but many people don't hesitate to impose their emotional nastiness on everyone.

Feelings are not good for making decisions on how to behave; they tend to be very inwardly-focused and completely ignore innocent bystanders. It's important to be aware of feelings of frustration or unhappiness, but if you wear those feelings on your sleeve all the time, that "authenticity" tends to spill over onto others, usually in a very negative way.

We should always be mindful of the impact of our attitudes on the people around us, even if it means that we throw our precious authenticity out the window.

A Truly Amazing Story

2008-06-18T21:23:00.004-07:00

Heidi and I have been blown away by the number of people who prayed for us as we awaited Harrison's arrival into this world and his arrival into our family. We knew that our friends and family were praying, but we are learning each day that many more people were lifting this adoption up in prayer than we ever realized.

I have had people I haven't talked to in years call or write to tell us that they had been praying. At church the other day, a lady we had never met in our lives came up, gave us a hug, and said that she was so happy that God answered her prayers. This woman never met us, but prayed to God on our behalf. How cool is that?

Perhaps the most incredible story of prayer for Harrison came this morning when my sister told me about her former boss' prayer:

In the days before we brought Harrison home, my sister was chatting with her old boss and he asked how Heidi and I were doing (we had met him on a trip to D.C. three years earlier). Erin explained the situation we were in and how we were worried that we may have to go back home without the child we have prayed so fervently for. He told her that he was heading out of the country soon and would be sure to say a special prayer for us.

A few days later, he was in Jerusalem, Israel on business. One day, he took some time to go visit The Church of the Holy Sepulcher (the traditionally accepted site of Christ's death, burial, and resurrection). While he was there, he purchased a prayer candle on our behalf, had a priest bless it, and placed it at the location where Jesus is believed to have been crucified. His prayer for us was that the child would be ours.

This happened on Friday, June 6 -- a few hours before Harrison officially became our son.

Amazing.

Apparently, I'm a Sick Man

2008-06-13T20:04:00.004-07:00

A number of people have made comments today that make me feel like I might be a complete freak of nature. I have seen some looks of mild-to-moderate horror and have noticed the slight wagging of more than a few heads indicating an unusual level of disgust with me. Even my wife has given me her rare but potent "I can't believe I married you" look. All of this is because I was genuinely looking forward to today's big event: Harrison's circumcision.

[Crowd gasps in horrific disbelief]

I'm not a sadist. I do have a heart. No, its not made of stone -- its made of flesh and blood just like yours.

I have always had a deep fascination with medical procedures, and I had never in my life seen a circumcision -- until today. I wasn't even sure how it was accomplished and I was totally curious to see it. Now, before you call Child Protective Services, please know that I take no pleasure in seeing or hearing my son in pain. The circumcision was going to happen no matter what, so why shouldn't be there to see it?

While Heidi sat in the waiting room a safe distance from where the procedure was done, I got to be there to next to Harrison, comforting him with my voice and a binky dipped over and over again in sugar water. The circumcision was fascinating like I hoped it would be (I'll spare you the graphic details), but I really loved that I could be there with my boy, whispering his name and telling him that I was there and that I love him. That was cool.

I went in today looking forward to the experience of seeing my first circumcision and left the hospital with a sense of gratitude that the medical procedure wasn't the most poignant memory I'd walk away with.

I may be a sick man, but I sure love being a dad.

Photos

2008-06-09T19:34:00.014-07:00

I have finally found the time to post a few of my favorite Harrison photos to date. To be honest, my wife's blog is much better equipped for posting multiple images, so please visit her site for the full gallery.

Harrison and Mom in the hospital nursery

Who doesn't like photos of a baby bum?

We both got to give him his first bath

Not crying, just yawning

Grayma and Grandaddy (my parents)

I love his face in this one

Doxology!

2008-06-06T12:48:00.005-07:00

After many sleepless nights and thousands of prayers, Heidi and I are happy to announce that Harrison Michael Gray is officially ours as of Friday, June 6 at 11:30 am.

Born Sunday, June 1, 2008
St. Mark's Hospital - Salt Lake City, UT
12:32 pm
8 lbs, 3 oz
20.5 inches

Heidi and I would like to thank each of you who took part in praying this baby into our arms. We are blessed at the opportunity to raise this precious child and blessed that we have friends and family who have helped to pray this boy home.

If you know the doxology, please sing it with me now:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Oh, praise Him! Oh, Praise Him!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

Its Raining in Salt Lake Today

2008-06-04T11:16:00.007-07:00

I was sure by now, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen and it's still raining
and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

Praise You in This Storm
by Casting Crowns

Lord, we give all glory to you, no matter the outcome.

Salt Lake City, UT

2008-05-31T09:05:00.005-07:00

Well, we're still up here in Salt Lake City awaiting the birth of our adopted son. We definitely expected that he would have been born by now (his due date was last Saturday, May 24). For more on the adoption, check out our new family blog written, produced, directed, and edited by soon-to-be hot mom, Heidi.

Even though the waiting is killing me, I'm really enjoying the time with my family and absolutely loving the scenery. Utah is amazing this time of year. I love the weather, I love the green trees, and I love the mountains most of all. Living in Phoenix has caused me forget the enormity and the beauty of the Wasatch Mountains.

Honoring A Hero

2008-05-26T12:54:00.008-07:00

This Memorial Day, I want to honor my grandad: Army Air Corps Major Isaac Terrell Spivey of Farmington, NM.

Grandad joined the Army Air Corps (Air Force) in his early 20s and was a B24 Liberator pilot in the South Pacific during World War II. He flew 50 missions, most of them in the pilot seat of a bomber nicknamed Red Headed Woman. Two of these 50 missions earned him the Distinguished Flying Cross, one of the highest decorations that can be given to pilots who serve in the military.

The first mission, in July 1945, had his crew flying over Saigon to take aerial photos of Japanese-controlled oil refineries. The intelligence captured on that mission was a key part in America's strategy to destroy the Japanese war machine. The mission caught Japan completely off-guard and the crew returned safely (after a 2,500 mile round trip - one of the longest flight missions of the war) only to have the gunner accidentally drop the film, exposing the entire roll.

The next day his crew was asked to do it all again, only this time the Japanese were ready. The Red Headed Woman and its crew flew a second consecutive 2,500-mile recognizance mission, but had to fight off about 45 Japanese fighter planes this time around. In the midst of intense combat, Grandad's crew was able to recapture the footage and return to base -- despite having a large chunk of the plane shot away.

This is only one of dozens of fascinating stories that my grandad could tell you about his time serving in WWII. Some stories are fascinating and some are sobering; He can tell you stories of funny things he experienced and then stories of friends he lost in combat. I love to hear his stories and he loves to tell them.

My grandad is one of thousands of military men and women to whom we owe thanks for the freedoms we enjoy today. To anyone who has served, thank you for your service to our country.

To Grandad, thank you for being my personal war hero.

Pop Goes the Church

2008-05-23T16:30:00.008-07:00

This video comes from Granger Community Church in Granger, Indiana. This was how they opened up the weekend service during a series titled "Get in the Game":

I grew up playing the old-school Nintendo and especially loved playing Mario Bros. (who didn't?). I also dream of being a rockin' drummer (who doesn't?). Naturally, I thought this video was awesome.

Even though I love this sort of thing, I must admit that I usually have a twinge of uneasiness when I see popular culture featured so prominently in church. This uneasiness lies in the fact that I feel like pop culture tends to blur the line between the sacred and the unsacred, between what is holy and what is commonplace.

Please understand that I am part of a church that deliberately appeals to the culture, and I love it. I do not sit in service sneering because I am offended at "that song" or "that video". I honestly enjoy most of what churches do to incorporate "cultural relevance" into their services. I also understand that churches like Granger do this primarily as an "in" to reach people for Jesus -- I do not doubt their intentions for a moment.

Still, I cannot seem to shake that nagging feeling that pairing the message of Jesus with pop culture only tends to cheapen Jesus. Do we honestly think that He needs our technology and music and graphic design in order to change lives? If the answer is "no", then we need to look really hard at whether or not our persistence toward cultural appeal is worthy of so much energy.

What do you think about this issue? Tell me why you feel the way you do about the church and pop culture.

Sidenote: The title of this post is taken from the title of a book written by Tim Stevens , the Executive Pastor at Granger. I have not read it yet, but I know from reading reviews that his book is really making people think about this issue.

A Tragic Story

2008-05-22T09:32:00.004-07:00

I just read today that Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman and his family lost their youngest child, adopted daughter Maria, due to injuries sustained in an accident at their family home in Tennessee. The accident looks to have been caused when an older sibling unknowingly ran the child over in their driveway with the family SUV. Read the full article here.

My heart and prayers go up for this family as they are in the midst of this inconceivably horrible tragedy.

Dear Friends,

2008-05-18T20:39:00.000-07:00

Please keep Heidi and me in your prayers over the next few weeks. Heidi will be flying next Thursday to Salt Lake City, Utah to stay with my parents and await the birth of our soon-to-be adopted son. His official due date is Friday, May 24. Heidi will be leaving right after the end of her last day of school so that she can be there when the birth mom goes into labor. Once the labor begins, Heidi will call me and I will catch the first flight I can get to Salt Lake. Hopefully, I can make it in time for the birth.

This news may come as a surprise to many of you. To be honest, this whole process began only six weeks ago, and we are even surprised by the speed with which this whole thing has happened. If you are only finding out for the first time, please know that we intentionally kept this under wraps until the decision to make us the parents had been made. Adoptions can be very uncertain and emotional ventures and, in an effort to guard our hearts, we decided not to go public until we had the final confirmation.

We know that many of you have been diligent in praying for us as we journey through our battle with infertility. Your prayers and ours are now being answered in the life of this precious gift, and we look forward to embracing him with open arms. Thank you to every one of you who have been praying for us. We cannot express enough how grateful we are to know that you have been lifting your hearts to God on our behalf.

The whirlwind story of our last six weeks is too long for me to explain right now. Just know that God has shown us tremendous power and unending grace through this, and that we are truly humbled by the experience. I will be sure to give you more details in the next week or so.

In the meantime, please keep the last leg of this process in your prayers. Specifically, please pray for the birth mom, Nichoal. She is 17 years old and has an opportunity to set a rather rough life on the right path after this adoption. She is a new Christian and has been working hard to follow God’s leading. Pray that she can have people come into her life (us included) who will encourage her to continue to fight against her crummy home life and change her future for good.

Thanks again for your prayers and your friendship. We are blessed beyond measure to know each of you.

Love,

Michael & Heidi

Why I Don't Watch the News

2008-04-28T21:30:00.005-07:00

Modern television news media has become useless on so many levels. Sometimes I wonder how hard assignment editors have to work just to find stories to fill up their air time. The following video is a prime example of why I don't spend much of my time watching the local news.

Click on the picture below to view the news story; this is reporting at its crappiest:

Aside from the fact that this completely inane story made it to a live broadcast, I find it particularly bothersome that it aired within the first ten minutes of their 8:00 news (see the timestamp above). Where exactly is the newsworthiness of this story?

To make things worse, the City of Gilbert had to add their personal touch of absurdity by having Greg Svelund, the official city spokesperson, comment on the issue by saying, "I think this is something that can be solved with education." What?!

Here, allow me:

Dog Park Etiquette 101:

Lesson 1: Dog poop is stinky
Lesson 2: A lot of dog poop fermenting in one area is even stinkier
Lesson 3: To minimize the stink, pick up Precious' poop
Lesson 4: Should have told you before Lesson 3 to use the plastic bags and not your bare hand, you flippin' idiot
Lesson 5: Don't ever leave the house if you are dumber than your dog

I'm pretty sure that I just saved the taxpayers of Gilbert a lot of wasted education dollars.

In Memory

2008-04-25T15:06:00.003-07:00

David G. Clingensmith, Sr.
March 31, 1931 - April 21, 2008

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1

We will miss you, Grandpa.

This Has Been My Life:

2008-04-24T21:19:00.005-07:00

Saturday, April 26 will mark the end of 44 days straight of this:

In my never-ending struggle to produce even the most minute amount of live, straight-swimming sperm, I have tried many unusual things. Some things have helped, some have hindered, but none have done the job they were ultimately supposed to do.

This photo represents my last medical effort. Time alone will tell if this final path of modern medicine can help lead Heidi and me to the final destination that has eluded us for so long now.

Just so you know, I hate needles. I can't tell you what a hurdle it was to stick this into my body for the first time. In case you were wondering, this shot is given intra-muscularly (meaning that I have to bury the needle to the hilt so that the fluid can be injected into the muscle). Learning to inject myself was definitely one of the biggest fear-overcoming situations in my life.

I love trying to overcome my fears, but I certainly won't miss these needles when they're gone.

I Miss Blogging

2008-04-24T17:24:00.001-07:00

See above.

Toasted

2008-03-27T20:09:00.003-07:00

Public speaking is not easy.

The fear of speaking in front of a group is one of the top fears in American society. Beyond simply overcoming the realization that all eyes and ears in the room are fixed on him or her (a realization that intensifies self-consciousness), a good public speaker must be interactive and engaging in order to be effective in delivering a message. Having to communicate under these circumstances can be daunting for anyone.

While I am generally comfortable around large groups of people, I am incredibly unconfident speaking in front of them. I don't mind the publicness of speaking, I mind the fact that I am oftentimes unable to communicate the message I want at the quality I want to deliver it.

In order to learn to overcome this life-long struggle, I went today to my first-ever Toastmasters International meeting. The goal of Toastmasters is to help you "become the speaker and leader you want to be," and these people aren't playing around.

Without going into too much detail about the meetings, the goal is to make attendees comfortable with public speaking by making them speak publicly. Then the rest of the group goes about dissecting the speech's content and delivery. Ultimately, the speaker gets almost immediate feedback on the shortcomings of his or her speaking ability. It can be nerve-wracking to have people pick you apart like that, but as long as you don't take things personally and you use the critiques to better yourself for the next speech, this group really seems to help.

Even though I was a first-time guest, the group gave me the opportunity to participate in what they call table topics. During this part of the meeting, members are all given a word of the day (ours today was goad). One person is then picked to stand up at the podium. On the spot, they are given a random topic to talk about for two to three minutes and they have to find a way to incorporate the word of the day appropriately in their presentation.

I was asked to talk about my first car, and I had to find a good place to use the verb goad. I started off fairly well and was enjoying myself until I said "ummmm" for the first time. Allow me to let you in on a little Toastmasters secret: they have a person at each meeting whose only task is to listen for "filler sounds" and then hit a desk bell each time the forbidden sounds are used.

The sound of that ringing in the middle of my speech was unnerving. In three minutes, I got dinged seven times. I could tell that the poor lady ringing the bell felt bad at having to keep picking on the new guy, but she was just doing her job. I was so frazzled at the bell that I kept losing my train of thought and I even forgot to use the word of the day. They were kind enough to let me know that everyone gets dinged a lot on their first try, and that I was nowhere near the group record of 17 dings.

Either way, I have a long way to go, and I'm sure I'll have more stories to come.

Pray for me.

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T10:22:00.005-07:00

I hope your Easter celebrations are a blast. Enjoy the time with family, the time to rest, and most importantly, the time you spend celebrating the fact that Jesus Christ rose from the dead in order to make it possible for us to spend eternity with him.

He is risen indeed!

I'm Not the Only One

2008-03-08T20:47:00.008-07:00

This blog is subtitled "Uncensored, but Spell-checked" for a very good reason: I am very conscious of spelling mistakes. Certain events from my past have made me this way.

I remember in first grade making a poster-sized drawing of the Statue of Liberty (complete with picture-taking stick figure tourists) for the annual school-wide art show called Reflections. On the base of my rendition of the historic American landmark, I used a permanent marker and skillfully etched the words "Stachew of Liberty". When I showed my parents, my dad mentioned that I spelled "statue" incorrectly (for a first grader, I think I displayed great phonemic awareness with stachew). Despite my excellent sound-it-out skills, I was embarrassed to have the now unchangeable misspelling on my artwork, so I ended up cutting off the lower half of my drawing and submitted my rendition of the historic landmark from the knees up.

That's the first time I really became aware that spelling mistakes can be embarrassing, but it didn't make me permanently immune to the occasional misspelling. In fact, after graduating from college, I had a particularly funny Freudian-slip spelling error on the resume that I sent to various PR firms here in Phoenix. Rather than tell you the whole story, let me show you a picture I found recently that more than adequately explains the embarrassment I felt with my post-graduation spelling mistake:

Who knew that you could earn $145K - $204K per year with a BA in Pubic Relations? Talk about getting paid well for something that you love to do. If the VP makes that much, I wonder what the President makes...

Baby-Making 101 (Part 3 of 3)

2008-03-02T21:19:00.003-07:00

Part 3. Please read Part 1 & Part 2 before reading this section.

If by any chance you are dealing with issues of infertility, this concluding part is sincerely dedicated to you and your spouse as you walk this road together. While I am really enjoying the chance to tell the humorous (and sometimes explicit) parts of our story, my ultimate goal is to provide encouragement to anyone going through the same feelings of disappointment, discouragement, heartache, and uncertainty that we have grown to know so well.

Special congratulations go out to Eddie & Jeanne James, who just yesterday (March 1), had their prayers answered with the birth of their daughter Nadia. We love you guys!

And....go:

After the “Beaches of Normandy” speech, he asked us questions about the things we were doing to get pregnant, and we explained which methods we tried (at least the ones we were comfortable admitting to trying). After hearing about all of our efforts, he gave us a piece of advice that is far more powerful than anything we got from any other source.

He said, “You know, so many people I see are so concerned with getting pregnant that they consume their lives with finding the magic bullet. Instead of focusing on each other, they try different methods and buy books and devices that claim to hold the secret. I always tell people that they are better off taking the money they would spend on ovulation kits, and spend every dime of it at Victoria’s Secret. Just focus on arousing each other and enjoying the intimacy, and pregnancy will come in time.”

Now, I would be lying if I said that the male side of me didn’t jump for joy at the idea of a Victoria’s Secret shopping spree, but the thing I appreciated most was that he refocused us what was most important in a marriage -- intimacy. Cultivating a strong bond with your spouse is more important to a healthy marriage than getting pregnant, and we realized that we had begun to seek pregnancy at the expense of remembering to enjoy each other sexually. We made a commitment that day to remember that sex is more than a means for producing children; it also provides a special connection that runs deeper than any other bond that any two people could have.

At the end of our appointment, Heidi’s doctor asked if he could pray for us. He knew from another conversation that we were both Christians, and we gladly accepted his offer. You don’t have to be religious to know that having another person pray for you can be a very moving experience.

I can’t recall his exact words, but I remember him praying for God to prepare us for and bless us with a child. At the end of his prayer, he looked up with tears in his eyes and thanked us for helping him remember why he does what he does day after day. What an amazing experience to go into an infertility appointment with nervous insecurity, and leave with peace in our hearts and a fresh perspective on God’s provision for our lives.

I know that some of you reading this may not have the experience of having someone pray for you to have peace in this time of uncertainty, so please allow me to offer up a prayer on your behalf. My hope is that this prayer can be as meaningful to you now as Heidi’s doctor’s prayer was to us that day in his office:

God, you know the pain and the uncertainty happening in this person’s life now. I pray that you send your peace to them now and that you keep their eyes on the fact that You have a plan for their life, and for the life of any child You choose to bless them with. Bring them encouragement through people in their lives, and help them to be an encouragement to others they know who may be struggling with difficulties in getting pregnant. God, more than anything, let them know that you love them. I pray this in the name of Jesus, who showed us love that is greater than any we could ever find. Amen.

Baby-Making 101 (Part 2 of 3)

2008-02-25T19:23:00.008-07:00

Alas, you are now reading Part 2. If you have not read Part 1, please do so before continuing, otherwise none of this is going to make much sense.

For those of you like Anthony who are a bit squeamish around language referring to the female anatomy or detailing graphic descriptions of war, I'm going to go ahead and warn you that this post is rated:

While it was fun to try out new ideas, we grew increasingly frustrated that month after month we were having no success. It seemed that so many people around us were getting pregnant with hardly any effort at all, and here we were spitting on microscopes and standing on our heads in the nude. After more than a year of failed experimental baby-making, we decided that our difficulty with conceiving should be discussed with Heidi’s OB/GYN.

Needless to say, we were both worried that something major was wrong with us. We began to think that we might be told that we should get used to the idea that we would only be known to children as “Uncle Michael” and “Aunt Heidi”. Our first infertility appointment at Heidi’s OB/GYN was far more encouraging than we could have predicted.

Heidi’s doctor was a man that came very highly recommended by some friends of ours. As we sat in his office and explained our struggle with getting pregnant and our worries that we may never have kids, he listened intently. He reassured us that one year of trying was not as uncommon as we had thought. In fact, 60% of couples are unsuccessful in getting pregnant after one year of trying. Knowing that we were in the same boat as 60% of couples in America definitely helped in easing our nerves.

When we asked about the best frequency of sex (I was shamelessly hoping to resurrect the rock star sex), he gave us a very vivid analogy on how conception works. He started by saying, “You need to think of the vagina as the beaches of Normandy.”

Let me tell you, a doctor that explains medical details with World War II battle analogies is going to pique any man’s attention. I sat on the edge of my chair as he continued.

“Your goal is to take the beachhead, and you are going to need to deploy a lot of soldiers to accomplish your mission. Keep in mind that many of your soldiers will be lying dead on the beach, but all you need is one to get past the enemy lines and you have the battle won.

“Now, you don’t want to send your soldiers in a few at a time – that’s what happens when you try to have sex every day. You won’t have enough sperm to make much of an impact.”

Goodbye rock star sex.

“You need to make sure you have a good amount of sperm built up. I would say that trying every other day during ovulation is a good rule of thumb.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. My wife’s OB/GYN essentially wrote us a prescription for sex every other day during ovulation, and did it while deepening my American patriotism. This guy was good.

to be continued...

Baby-Making 101 (Part 1 of 3)

2008-02-19T18:44:00.009-07:00

This post is a snippet from a chapter of a book I'm writing (current working title: Swimming in Circles: A Sperm Story). As you have probably already figured out, its a look into the lives of Heidi and me as we continue our long-running battle with infertility. I hope one day that it will be published. I thought I would post it here for your reading enjoyment.

Baby-Making 101

Throughout our first year of trying to conceive, we were willing to try just about any “secrets of the trade” in the hopes that it would improve our chances of getting pregnant. If you know of a manufactured or homemade method that worked for you or someone you know, I can guarantee that we tried it. Anyone who came to us with advice impacted our sex life in one way or another.

Some methods were scientific:

• Heidi would wake up each morning and, even before turning the alarm off, she would put a thermometer in her mouth and take her temperature. She even had a nice bedside calendar where she kept record of her early morning temperature-taking. Once she reached the appointed temperature, we would commence with the baby-making. It’s not as sexy to hear your wife say she’s hot for you when she means it literally.

• We tried a device which the writers of the book The Conception Chronicles affectionately dubbed “Spitnik”. Basically, each morning Heidi rubbed a small amount of her saliva on the glass lens of a compact personal fertility microscope and set it aside for a few minutes to dry. If she saw what looks like a fern pattern through the eyepiece, it meant that we got to hop back into bed and get busy. If she saw what looks like a close-up of dried saliva, it meant that I needed to take a cold shower and get ready for work.

Other methods were word-of-mouth cures:

• Heidi was told that she needed to elevate her legs over her head after sex. The naked headstands didn’t work for us.

• Someone else swore by the “Be Sure and Pee Immediately After Sex” method. I personally recommend the “Take a Ten Minute Nap After Sex” method instead.

• A friend of mine came up to me one day and loaned me what he said was a sure-fire cure: his old workout socks. He handed me a pair of bright blue, breathable cotton/poly blends with pictures of cartoon sperm on them. The socks had the caption, “Survival of the Fittest” sewn into them. Those beauties were what he wore while training for a marathon during the same time of year that he and his wife were trying for kids (please take special note of the italics). So far, the sperm socks have done nothing but give me athlete’s foot.

• My favorite approach was one I like to call the “Rock Star Sex” method, which required that we have sex every day during her ovulation period. While I knew this advice was surely the brainchild of some guy with no medical credentials whatsoever, I made sure that I supported it as a viable option each time we discussed getting pregnant. One month, my wife finally caved in. The Rock Star Sex method didn’t work one bit, but I personally found it to be the best way to fail at getting pregnant that I have ever tried.

to be continued...

Read Part 2

The Oprah Cult

2008-02-18T16:03:00.002-07:00

Today is President's Day and -- I can't believe I am actually admitting to this -- I spent part of my day off from work watching Oprah. Before you judge me, just know that she had the voice-over cast from Horton Hears a Who (Jim Carrey, Steve Carrel, and Carol Burnett) on the show. It wasn't an Oprah's Book Club episode or anything.

I realized something disturbing today as I watched the show -- Oprah's fans are crazy (not fun-crazy like your best friend from college, but crazy-crazy like Robin Williams all jacked up on Ecstasy). Anyone else out there think that the people in Oprah's audience are bizarre?

People say that religious organizations are cultish, but I have never seen anything that can compare to the following that Oprah has. These people are out of control.

What do you think?

I Heart Starbucks

2008-02-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

We've all been here before:

Terrorism is in My Blood

2008-02-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a photo of Kevin McCallister's eerie, snowshovel-wielding neighbor in Home Alone.

This is my great great great grandfather, Ira S. Hatch -- a man with a very interesting past.

I have known for years that Ira served his LDS (read: Mormon) mission in the Navajo/Paiute regions of Southern Utah and Northern Arizona and New Mexico. His second wife was Sarah Maraboots - daughter of a Navajo chief. By all historical accounts (read: Mormon genealogies) his work and deeds–not just as a missionary, but as a frontiersman–were legendary.

What I have learned recently is a bit more disturbing.

On September 11, 1857 about 120 men, women, and children were killed in cold blood during the Mountain Meadows Massacre. The victims were members of a westward-bound wagon train from Arkansas. The culprits were unprovoked men from a local Mormon militia in Southern Utah. My great (x4) grandfather was apparently one of the key players in what is known in history as one of the worst incidents of domestic terrorism on American soil.

Gotta love history.

For a great video detailing the Mountain Meadows Massacre, click here (12 minutes).

29 Days and Counting

2008-01-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

I have really been enjoying spending part of each day reading the Bible and praying with Heidi. We started reading through our One Year Bibles on January 1 along with many people from Palm Valley Church, where I used to work. They started 2008 with a series called Route 66, kicking off a church-wide, one-year journey through the Bible. For Christmas, all staff and staff wives recieved an engraved, leatherbound One Year Bible.

To be honest, I have never been very disciplined at reading my Bible. Ever since high school, I have struggled with disciplining myself and making time to read scripture and pray. So far this year, Heidi and I have faithfully read our Bible each day -- and I'm really enjoying it.

1 month down, 11 to go. God, keep me disciplined.

Creepy

2008-01-21T17:20:00.000-07:00

I hurt my back this weekend and Heidi suggested that I visit the chiropractor and see what he can do to relieve my pain. She has always enjoyed going to get adjusted, but I have only been to a chiropractor one time before. I don't go often because, frankly, it freaks me out a bit.

To me, hearing my skeletal system snap, crackle, and pop like a bowl of Rice Krispies is disconcerting. It just seems wrong. I know that thousands of people a day go to chiropractors without incident, but I still have this feeling in the back of my head that my doctor is going to go all Bloodsport on me and accidentally end my life by snapping my neck.

The guy even cracked the cartilage in my ear -- said it would clear up my sinuses.

What an odd field of medicine.

2008

2007-12-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

2008 is already shaping up to be a year of exciting change and new possibilities for Heidi and me:

Change #1: At the beginning of January, I will begin working as the Communications Coordinator for Christ's Church of the Valley (CCV) in Peoria, AZ.

The choice to leave my current job at Palm Valley was one that I struggled with for a long time. I love working for PVC, I love the staff, I love the people, and I love the impact that this church has had on me and thousands of others in the west valley. Leaving such a great group of people will not be an easy transition for me or for Heidi.

Life never seems to turn out the way we plan; God brings opportunities in life that we never see coming. God has given me the great gift of allowing me to serve Palm Valley for a year and a half, but He is calling me now down another path. I'm nervous and excited at the same time, but I have learned that God is always faithful when we follow His leading.

Change #2: I blogged previously about the new fertility treatment option that Heidi and I are considering. We met with the doctor this week to get a bit more information, and it looks like it is a good option for us. The doctor told us that if this new treatment doesn't work. that we are essentially out of medical options.

We are definitely going to pray about this decision a bit longer. If we choose to forego this new treatment, then we will most likely be looking in to adoption. While Heidi has already begun to research adoption agencies, we do not plan on starting the process for a while yet. We definitely want to talk to couples who have adopted and pick their brains about what they learned through their experience.

Please keep that situation in your prayers.

Change #3: My last post was about my brother and sister-in-law who recently announced their pregnancy with a due date of July 10. This will be the first Gray family grand baby and I'm sure that will mean a mid-summer trip to Houston followed by another family gathering next holiday season.

I have been an uncle for about 7 years now, but I'm interested to see if it feels any different to be the uncle of a sibling's kid as opposed to the uncle of an in-law's kid. Either way, I am so excited to be an uncle again.

======================

I'm definitely looking forward to these new changes with excited expectancy that God is going to grow Heidi and me, and that He is going to make '08 the most exciting and memorable year of our lives.

God, thank you for your never-ending faithfulness. No matter what comes, we give all the glory and honor to you.

A Big Christmas Gift

2007-12-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

My brother Jonathan and his beautiful wife Michelle called us on Christmas Day to give us the news that they are 12 weeks pregnant with their first child! "Baby Gray" as he/she is currently named, is due on July 10, 2008.

Congratulations guys!

(((XM))) Radio

2007-12-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

I'm giving very serious thought to canceling my XM Radio subscription.

Last Christmas, Heidi got me this really cool wireless XM Radio -- its like an iPod, but receives satellite radio signals. We also got one for her car because traveling through the deserts of Southern Utah and still having over 100 crystal clear, commercial free radio stations pretty much rocks.

I love that XM has stations that you can't really get with regular radio. My favorite by far has to be Cinemagic - Escape Into the Movies (channel 27). This channel plays scores from movies. All day long. From Lord of the Rings to Pride & Prejudice, from Gladiator to Karate Kid, this channel plays just about everything. I love it.

We also listen to comedy stations, Christian music stations, talk radio, top 40 tunes, music from the 50s, the 90s, and everything in between. Christmastime is especially fun because they offer 5 different stations dedicated to playing uninterrupted Christmas music.

Why then, you may ask, would I want to cancel my subscription? Well, I'm thinking of using the money I would spend on two more one-year subscriptions and using it to pay for a new infertility treatment regimen. I haven't written in a while about the infertility circus that is my life, but the short story is that all the money we poured into the last treatment ended being a complete waste because all it did was make things worse. This new course of therapy is supposed to fix all that. In all honesty, my faith in modern medicine has taken a big hit, so I'm a bit leery of this new treatment.

I'll tell you this -- I would gladly trade my 100+ commercial free radio stations in for just 100 sperm that actually swim in a straight line. That's a selling point I could get on board with.

Contentment

2007-11-28T23:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it can be hard to be content with the things that life throws your way.

Heidi and I have been struggling with getting pregnant for some time now, and it seems like each time we take a step forward in our attempt to start a family, we get knocked back two steps. Oftentimes, we wonder why God is allowing us to go through this trial. It can become easy for us to look at others who are successfully getting pregnant, and then begin to feel the discontentment with our situation rise up inside and begin to consume us. Feeling contentment in the dark shadow of unrealized expectations can be difficult.

Today God allowed me a six-minute reality check, and suddenly, this burden seems so light.

Graciasgiving

2007-11-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

This Thanksgiving, Heidi and I get to visit my mom's side of the family in Farmington, New Mexico (a 7+ hour drive from Phoenix). My grandma and granddad and my aunt and uncle live up here, and this is a good in-the-middle-of-all-the-families meeting spot.

As a kid, my family used to drive here and visit at least twice per year. I haven't been back to Farmington for more than 8 years, and I am really enjoying the nostalgia of this place and of hanging out with family again.

One of the highlights so far is getting to listen to my granddad talk about WWII. He was a B 24 bomber pilot in the South Pacific, and he has some great stories. I'll probably dedicate an entire post to this in the future -- his story makes me swell with patriotic pride.

Whether you are away with extended family, or at home with your loved ones, I would like to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!

What a Faker!

2007-11-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the hardest thing about interacting with people is not knowing what is actually going on in the other person's head. People in today's society have made an art form out of putting on a good face and trying to keep up pretenses. Someone can have it all together on the outside and be a complete disaster on the inside. The key is to develop your ability to see through the superficial, and recognize the significant. This requires practice.

I offer you the opportunity to practice today:

I recently came across this test that measures one's ability to read faces. This requires that you focus intently on looking past the skin and staring into the soul. Can you spot the fake smiles? I was able to get 17 out of 20. That means that if you try to fake smile at me, I'll know it 85% of the time.

So don't even try it.

New Venture

2007-11-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

Some of you may know this, to others it may come as a surprise: I am currently working on writing my very first book.

Earlier today, I sent one chapter of my book to a literary critiquing company who has promised to give me very detailed feedback on my work. Their website promises their critique will give me more information than I could have ever hoped for or wanted. Yikes.

I'm really hoping that they see some good potential and that they can offer suggestions that would really take my writing to the next level. I would love to keep writing and eventually see something of mine published. Either way, I have committed to Heidi that I will finish it. More on this to come.

Lateral Fest 2007

2007-10-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

I do not post about sports often, but this play by the Trinity Tigers is absolutely amazing:

Shameless Plug:

2007-10-23T20:55:00.000-07:00

GreatLeaps Preschool is quite possibly the best kept secret in the West Valley.

This past August, my wife and her friend Nicole started a home-based preschool in Goodyear, Arizona. Both Heidi and Nicole left their jobs as public school teachers so that they could turn their attention to educating 3 to 5 year old children, and prepare them to experience future success in school.

If you know someone who has been looking for a safe, loving, and academically excellent learning environment for their preschool-aged child, would you mind spreading the word about GreatLeaps? Starting a preschool is definitely a word-of-mouth business, and any and all exposure is much appreciated.

If you would like to know more about GreatLeaps before telling your friends, please take a few minutes to browse the website, or contact Heidi and Nicole -- they would love to answer any questions you may have.

Thanks!

One Foot in the Grave

2007-10-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

I turned 30 today.

Time to begin finalizing my memoirs, make sure my will is up-to-date, and buy some stock in whatever companies manufacture Depends, Polident, Centrum Silver, Preparation H, and Gold Bond Medicated Powder.

Just kidding. In reality, I love each year of my life more than the last. God has blessed me far more than I could ever deserve. My beautiful wife, Heidi, is such an amazing companion -- she makes me laugh, is forever patient with me, and has such a kind heart toward others. I also love being close with my family, my friends and co-workers make my life "interesting", and my job gives me the opportunity to be creative and serve God with my talents.

To all of you who I call friend (and to you too Brent), thank you for being a part of my life. I am honored to know each and every one of you.

Michael

Alternative Medicine

2007-09-30T16:10:00.001-07:00

I love how so many of our friends have come alongside Heidi and me as we fight the war against infertility. All your prayers (mixed with 25 horse pills a day, special estrogen-suppression spray twice a day, and extra-potent testosterone cream each morning) have definitely been helpful.

Well, today we had a new weapon added to our arsenal. Pete Espinosa, one of the rockin' electric guitarists at Palm Valley Church, has personally loaned me what he considers a sure-fire cure: his old workout socks.

For those of you who may not have noticed, the writing on the bottom reads "survival of the fittest", and that is indeed a sperm on my ankle. I may be pressing my luck with 2 of my last 3 posts containing pictures of sperm. Sorry Jeanette :)

According to Pete, these beauties are not merely fashionable fitness footwear, but also lucky baby-making socks. These breathable cotton/poly blends are what Pete wore while training for a marathon during the same time of year that he and his wife were trying for kids (please take special note of the italics).

Since they have worked like a charm for him twice already, he generously decided to share the wealth with me. I'm hoping that the magic is simply in the socks and not in the marathon training -- if that be the case, I'm only going to be known to children as "Uncle Michael" for the rest of my life.

For you skeptics out there, you must know this: I put these socks on as soon as I got home from church, and then watched the Arizona Cardinals turn a 7 to nothing 1st quarter defeat into an incredible 21 to 14 win against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Coincidence you say?

I think not.

This is Messed Up

2007-09-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

I just read an article about the guy who has prepared our taxes for the last four years. He is being indicted on 136 counts of tax fraud and forgery. Heidi and I knew something was up when our usual $2,000 tax return took a huge swing to become a $5,000 tax liability this past year.

Now it looks like the government might be auditing our tax returns for at least three years back (I think that is the statute of limitations on taxes). Just what we need.

What bothers me the most is that Heidi and I don't know a great deal about the insanely complex tax system, and we trusted this guy to prepare them for us. We never wanted to short-change the government, we just wanted to pay our taxes like other honest, hard-working Americans. Now we are going to have to take the hit to fix a situation that we didn't cause.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate dealing with taxes!

Becoming A Man...Finally

2007-09-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

I am less than a month away from my 30th birthday, and manhood is knocking on my door.

Most of you that know me well, know that Heidi and I have been unable to conceive a child due to major problems with my sperm. We have been undergoing fertility treatment for almost a year now. During a doctor's visit in early July, I learned that the problems with my sperm were rooted in the fact that my testosterone level was at a dismal 118 (normal levels are between 800 and 1,200).

Since then, I have rubbed testosterone cream on my leg each morning in hopes that I could induce a reversal in my levels. The minor side effects of this treatment make for some funny stories, most of which I will save for another time. One side effect is increased irritability -- which I generally don't recognize on my own. My wife, in her ever-so-tender and loving way, gently informs me about my aggression by saying something like, "Hey, take it easy now Testy Testosterone!" That's what she calls me. Testy Testosterone.

Well, I got the results of my latest blood work today and it looks like Testy Testosterone may be a name that sticks. My testosterone level is now at 785. I'm knocking on the door baby! I am excited that this treatment is helping and that God seems to be answering our many prayers. For those of you who already do, please keep praying that this trend continues.

Unmitigated Agony

2007-09-11T20:06:00.000-07:00

I just encountered one of my biggest pet peeves in life -- I got a bowl and a spoon out of the cabinet, poured a nice bowl of Golden Grahams, and opened up the refrigerator to find that we were OUT OF MILK!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....

What is one of your biggest pet peeves?

Its Traintastic!

2007-09-08T12:06:00.002-07:00

Photography is something I have loved for a long time, but I don't spend a lot of time doing it. During a recent church video shoot in Riverside, Arizona, I snapped some photos for Ryan Nunez's son Eric. He is totally into everything involving trains (and even coins words like "traintastic" to express his train affection).

I was using the church's Cannon EOS Rebel XT camera (which I love as much as Eric likes trains). These photos are not likely to win any awards, but I thought they were cool. We'll know for sure if photographer extraordinaire Kim Logan leaves positive feedback. She rocks at photography.

Here are my photos:

"132 & Bush, I've Got Him at Gunpoint"

2007-09-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

Just returned home tonight to seven squad cars and nine of Avondale's finest breaking up a big disturbance next door (involving at least ten people).

I have heard that the house next to us was turned into Section-8 housing last year. If that is true, I'd like to give a great big sarcastic thanks-a-lot to our state government for helping to turn a perfectly peaceful neighborhood into an episode of COPS.

The Mormons

2007-09-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

Heidi and I just finished watching a fascinating four-hour documentary on PBS called The Mormons.

Growing up in Salt Lake City, Utah, I have had a great deal of contact with Mormons, and Mormonism is a religion that I know well. Just about every kid in the neighborhood or at school was Mormon. In fifth grade, social studies is dedicated to teaching about Utah's history -- which is essentially the story of the Mormon exodus from Illinois. My family has visited Temple Square many times, and we have taken the visitor tours which tell all about Joseph Smith and the revelation that gave birth to Mormonism.

Writing on the topic of Mormonism could take me in about 100 different directions. The Mormon story is definitely intriguing. It includes acts of terrorism, God-ordained adultery, separatist anti-Americanism, mass murder, death oaths, and black magic. On the other hand, the Mormon story also includes elements of strong family values, close-knit communities, worldwide evangelism, and fervent pro-Americanism. Its an interesting dichotomy.

One quote from the documentary sums up this fascinating religion's history by asking, "How do you go from being the ultimate outcast, to the embodiment of the mainstream in two generations? Its a breath-taking transformation."

It is indeed an amazing story.

Advantage: Gray

2007-08-31T23:29:00.001-07:00

I love playing tennis. Earlier this evening, Heidi and I played a few sets at Avondale Friendship Park. We haven't played tennis together in years, and it was great spending the day with her and doing something different.

I have to tell you, Heidi did a great job and kept me running the court all night. She has this strange ability to hit the back line, then return my volley by barely clearing the net on a short lob. I know I'm not in the best shape of my life, but I'm not even sure that Agassi could have run baseline-to-net as often as I did tonight.

Here is a live-action shot of one of her signature returns:

Perhaps I should have focused more on returning the ball than on getting pictures.

Breakfast Rocks!

2007-08-11T22:21:00.002-07:00

In an effort to lighten the mood left over from my last blog and the crummy things going on in my life, I'd like to offer up this Zigvid in honor of something in life that still makes me happy: pancakes.

I must warn you, if you choose to view this video, I cannot be held responsible for the pancake theme song getting stuck irrevocably in your head. If you love pancakes as much as I do, there is an even higher chance of song stickage.

You have been warned.

Personal Barometer

2007-08-07T17:19:00.000-07:00

I cannot begin to express how disappointing it is for me that I have not blogged in a long time. This site is a source of a great deal of joy and relaxation for me, and I have missed it greatly. I would go as far as to say that my frequency of blogging and blog reading is in direct correlation to my energy level and/or my attitude toward life. It's like a personal barometer for me.

Over the past few months, I have been struggling with a number of health-related, personal, and professional issues in my life. None of my issues are particularly serious or life-threatening, they are just pestering. I am not deeply depressed or anything, but I am definitely going through a dark time. I wish that I could pinpoint what it is that has me down, but I can't -- and that frustrates me more. I guess that there are just times of random discontent in each person's life, and this is one of mine.

I have never been the sort of person to hide what is happening in my life; I am truly an open book. Please know that I don't write these things to somehow gain sympathy or to cause anyone to go out of their way to make me feel better. Honestly, I'm not even sure kind words will help. I only write these things because writing them down is a way for me to get rid of the baggage that is keeping me down -- and I think its good to share things publicly rather than keeping them to myself.

If you have a minute, I would appreciate a quick prayer on my behalf. I'm generally not selfish about asking for things, but I believe that prayers will help.

Thanks.

Wholesome Fun for the Entire Family

2007-07-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

Please refrain from excessive talking, turn all cell phones to silent, and promptly remove crying babies or irratable children so that others are free to enjoy this blog in peace. Thank you for your cooperation.

~The Management

Misundercommunicationism

2007-06-25T14:31:00.000-07:00

Communicating clear messages in creative ways can be frustrating. Sometimes, no matter how good the delivery of your message is, the meaning gets lost in the artistry.

Open-Source Leadership

2007-06-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

Like many others, I struggle on a daily basis with trying to develop my skills as a strong leader.

I know in my heart that I have the potential to be a leader, but proving that to myself and others oftentimes becomes difficult. I tend to get bogged-down in the everyday routines and focus more on the short-term than the long-term. Instead of being a visionary leader, I focus on what I need to do to get through the day. Call it my survival instinct.

One thing that I find helpful is learning from other leaders. I am fine with reading books on leadership, but I am a very hands-on learner -- for me to learn and grow most effectively, I need to interact with leaders, not just read about them.

Last Thursday, I had the privilege of having lunch with Jon Edmiston, the Director of Information Technology & Communications for Christ's Church of the Valley in Peoria, AZ. CCV is an awesome church; they are reaching thousands of people all over Phoenix for Christ. When it comes to leadership, this church has a great deal to offer.

The most important lesson I learned from our meeting was that I appreciated Jon's willingness to spend part of his day pouring into an aspiring leader from another local church. I'm sure Jon had 100 different reasons why having lunch with me would be too much of an interference in his week, but he still chose to take the time to share his knowledge -- that is true leadership, and I appreciate it. A lot of other leaders might not have given me the time of day.

As I continue to develop into a strong leader, I hope to always remember that I did not get there on my own. I know that I will tap into hundreds of different leaders in my journey to becoming an effective leader. As I grow, I want pour my knowledge into others with the same willingness that Jon had in pouring into me last week.

Speaking of Guitar Hero...

2007-06-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

Just came across this photo of me and Palm Valley's own worship leader Derrick Logan at a recent praise team rehearsal:

Hangin' with Brent & Jess

2007-06-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

I am writing my first-ever blog from the computer at Brent and Jessica Hodges' house. We just got through with hometeam and Heidi and I decided to stay around for a while.

Brent and I just finished melting some faces on Guitar Hero II and now the girls are downstairs rockin' out to "Sweet Cherry Pie." I think it is hilarious to watch the girls play because they are both REALLY good. Nothing makes me more in love with Heidi than when I see her playing lead on "Symphony of Destruction".

Rock on Bay, rock on.

Sworn Enemy of the Galactic Alliance

2007-06-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

My mission was to find and eliminate all minions of the evil Emperor Zurg.

It wasn't until the end of the mission that I realized my wingman, Nathaniel, was a covert agent -- actively working to destroy the Alliance. This photo shows the exact moment of my realization:

Unfortunately, before I could fire a shot, the undercover alien/robot/mouse/pirate cracked me over the head with a concealed churro that he acquired before the mission. The head wound was minor, but cinnamon and sugar in the eyes hurts something fierce.

I gave chase, but the churro dust severely impaired my vision. I lost the enemy as he boarded a Star Tours spacecraft bound for the moon of Endor.

You have won this battle, Nathaniel, but I have direct orders from Buzz Lightyear himself to find you and force you into a lifetime of imprisonment in "its a small world".

You better hope I never catch you.

Lifetime Warranty?

2007-05-24T23:06:00.000-07:00

My good friends Tommie and Kyle Dyer recently returned from their wedding on May 5, 2007. As the above picture illustrates, Kyle clearly married for looks and Tommie married for ... um ... personality. :)

Actually, this marriage is uniquely special for me because these two were the first couple for whom I did premarital counselling. I had an awesome time walking with Tommie and Kyle as they dreamed of and prepared for their lives together. I especially enjoyed watching their excitement because it reminded me of when Heidi and I got married. That is a day I could live over and over again.

With this being my first premarital counseling, I am tempted to put a limited warranty on my work. I only say that jokingly, though, because I know that this marriage is not founded on anything that I ever said or did, but on Christ and His grace and love -- and with Christ at the center, you can be sure that this marriage comes with a lifetime warranty.

Tommie & Kyle, it was truly an honor for me to be a part of your wedding. Thank you for that gift.

Congratulations and best wishes!

Short Blogs Rule!

2007-05-20T12:09:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I set out to write thoughts that are simple and to-the-point, but tend to end up with a long post because I continually think of more to say.

That's all I wanted to tell you.

The Week in Review

2007-05-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

This past week has certainly been eventful. While the week itself has not been particularly busy or stressful for me, I have had the chance to experience some incredible things:

Thing 1:
Yesterday morning, our great friends Brent & Jessica Hodges had their first child. Mason Hodges came into the world at 8 pounds, 6 ounces and 21 3/4 inches long. Heidi and I went to visit them in the hospital to hold the little guy and congratulate Brent and Jess. We could not be happier for the two (three) of them; I know that they are going to make great parents. We love you guys!

Thing 2:
This past Sunday marked the pinnacle of the Seize the Moment capital campaign at our church. What I found amazing through this campaign is seeing the faithfulness of both God and the members of Palm Valley. Our Leadership Commitment Event a few weeks ago was a testament to the faithfulness of the church leaders, and Sunday was a testament to God's faithfulness.

As most of you probably know, Pastor Greg, was in bad shape on Sunday. You can read about the details on his blog, but I was encouraged to see so many people pray for him and then to see God to give Greg the perfect amount of grace/energy/ability to communicate what he needed to communicate. Obviously, God wasn't going to let anything hinder the message that Palm Valley needed to hear. Sometimes, having Satan attack is a cool thing because it gives God the chance to show up big. I think He did just that.

Thing 3:
Last Friday night and most of the day Saturday, Heidi and I got to watch Noah Rudd, the son of our other great friends Justin & Bethany. Most of you know that we have wanted kids for some time now and this past weekend was a great, albeit short, test-run for us. In an effort to clearly show us just what we are asking God for, Noah started his day at 5:30 a.m. Other than the fact that he is a morning person, he is a great kid.

We loved having the chance to see a glimpse of what life will be like with a child. I got to get him out of his crib in the morning, we both got to play with him, we got to take him to Lowe's to shop for gardening equipment, I even changed my first poopy diaper (definitely one of the less appealing events in child-rearing). Still, it makes me look forward to the day when Heidi and I are finally blessed with a child of our own. I hope that our kid can be as fun, cooperative, and cute as Noah.

Thing 4:
On Sunday, we also met and held Connor Bewley, the newly adopted son of Troy & Alison. It was fun for us to see a great couple so proud of the child they have prayed so long and hard for, but it was also good for our hearts to see that God is faithful even if it is not on our timeline.

We waited a long time to meet you Connor, and we're glad you're here.

One Week Down, Thousands to Go

2007-05-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

The first few weeks are the hardest -- that I know from experience.

I have started countless New Years resolutions and/or personal betterment plans in my life, and I have learned that determination tends to have a shelf-life. Mine is usually between two and three weeks. I'm on week two now.

Week one of the MG2 Project went pretty well. Since I have so many goals in this project, I planned on implementing them progressively over time so as not to bury myself early. Week one was primarily devoted to focusing on bettering my spiritual life through regular devotional times and prayer. I am happy to report that I accomplished my goal of setting aside the time I need each day before work to begin my mornings with God. It is definitely a refreshing change of pace to begin each day praying to and praising Him.

To help get me jump-started, I bought two devotional books -- one for home and one for work -- that I plan to read through every day. Eventually, I hope to dive deeper in my study of the Bible, but these two books are great starting points for me:

If you remember, please say a prayer for me to stay consistent with my devotional times. If I accomplish nothing else with this project, I want to deepen my faith in Christ and communicate with Him more regularly so that I can become the husband, friend, and (one day) father that God would have me to be.

Coming up in the next update:
P90X - Show me your "bring it" face...